What Nobody Told Me 11 Years Ago About Becoming a Dad.

I am the first to admit that I post a lot of family pictures on social media.  We may be that family you hate on Facebook… Plenty of comments, bloopers, and check-in’s with my kids on whatever adventures we may be undertaking.  However, I don’t make a habit of posting the challenging times, when the kids are fighting, not listening, and falling off their bikes.  So, it’s not unusual to get comments from social media friends that they suspect my family is the ultimate parenting experience, just another slice of paradise.  When I hear comments like “You’re such a great parent, you do so much with your kids” I do cringe inside. And must remind people that what they see on Social Media is not an accurate reflection of my families every day life, far from it. In fact, there are days when I wonder how I got into this parenting deal, and I feel totally ill equipped for the journey I am on.  Thank God I have other Dad’s in my life that remind me that I am not alone. They share their similar experiences.  And I often wonder why nobody warned me about what I was getting myself into?  Okay, they probably did, but I wasn’t listening, so I already know where my kids got their listening skills. Those of you who know me, already expect plenty of sarcasm here, and know that I have no regrets in becoming a Dad.  But here are a few things I didn’t know before this parenting adventure started.

1. I knew that parents were often tired. I didn’t know that my sleep patterns that I had enjoyed for 40 years would be changed, apparently forever!  I think “baby monitors” may have been one of the worst inventions ever. I suspect this device did a great job to insure my wife and I never had a full nights’ sleep for the first 2 years of each of our kid’s life.  

As a parent you already develop a keen sense of hearing, that I guess is nature's way to help you be the caregiver you need to be.  Baby makes a peep and the parental radar responds.  The baby monitor exploited that already keen sense by putting that speaker 3 feet from my head in our bedroom.  Now not only would a baby cry wake me, but every crib squeak, cough or heavy breath was amplified. The result being either jumping out of bed to attend, or laying in bed wide awake listening for more evidence of distress, wondering if your partner also heard and might get up this time. And inevitably feeling guilty for not jumping up right away. In hindsight I wonder if the baby monitors are a help or hinderance.  Combine the amplified baby monitor issues, with the normal parenting challenges of kids getting sick, falling out of bed, having nightmares, wetting the bed during potty training, and just knocking on our door at 5 am, asking if it’s “wake up time” yet. The result is the once nightly ritual of a solid uninterrupted 8 hours of sleep is just a distant memory. 

2. I had no idea that having “me time” or some solo space would be so challenging as a parent. Admittedly I was a little late to get into parenting game, with the firstborn arriving on the scene when I was already 41, and the next arriving 6 years later. 

One could argue that I should have been “more ready” as I had enjoyed over 20 years of adulthood to “sow my wild oats” so to speak.  However, as an involved father, the ability to eek out some solo adult time is more challenging than I had expected.  Perhaps the biggest hindrance is me… Who knew that the bond to my kids would be so strong that I want to be apart of so much of what they do.  Who knew that the guilt would be so strong, when saddling my more than capable partner with the full parenting duties, so I can grab a few hours on my bike? Go away for a weekend with the boys? Not for this dad.  Admittedly this has started to improve as my kids have gotten older. My now 10 year old son doesn’t actually want to spend all waking hours with me, he has friends of his own now. And my 4 year old daughter is happy to hang out with Mom.  But I can still be struck with guilt as I sneak quietly out of the back yard with cycling shorts on, bike ready to go, and my son comes busting in, with a “can I come?”   Is "no" an option?

   

3. I do know that I wasn’t the perfect child, but I don’t remember growing up with the daily arguments in our home. I was not prepared to have children that were apparently born knowing everything, or more accurately, believing they know everything.  I remember the old saying: “When I was 14 I couldn’t believe how dumb my dad was, when I was 20 I couldn’t believe how much he had learned in 6 years.”  My question is; do I have to wait 20 years before my kids stop arguing with me about everything?  The arguments are often preceded by the REPETITION of the same request 26 TIMES…such as “brush your teeth” or “eat your dinner” or “flush the toilet!” the common reply of course is “I know!” And “Why are you yelling at me.” And of course with full activation of the victim card. My kid’s teachers tell me my kids are smart, they do well in school. But apparently the ability to remember to flush the toilet, or turn off a light,  is not a measurement of intellect.

4. My wife and I knew that the spontaneity of our social life would take a big hit when we had kids.  

Who knew that baby sitters were so expensive and hard to find? Who knew that having NO extended family nearby would have such an impact. Who knew that planning visits to friends had to work around naptimes and bedtimes?  Who knew that we would be perpetually tired so that “date nights” mean falling asleep in the movie theatre and still being in bed by 10:30pm.

But I can say I really had no understanding of how much our social life, or lack there of, would change. Who knew that despite best efforts it’s

  just too much to stay up to midnight to ring in the New Year?! ZZZZzzzzz.

Undoubtedly, these are all “first world” complaints, and written with tongue planted in cheek.  I can say that on an almost daily basis I am grateful that I don’t have to do the parenting thing alone. I take my hat off to all the single parents out there doing it all on their own, day in and day out.  Any single parent would read this blog with some massive eye rolls I’m sure. (if they had time)   I’m also grateful for all the time, energy and patience my parents bestowed on me when I was a kid, and now do with their grandkids.  And I am grateful for other parenting bloggers and friends that share their experiences with humour and hope.