And the Award for Most Annoying Comment Goes to?!

Thinking back in my life there are a few personal questions and comments I remember being particularly annoying.  When I was in my 20’s the most common grating question was “When are you going to settle down?” as if it’s any of your business… After “settling down” the annoying question changed to “So…when are you going to start having kids?” often followed by the charming comment…”you’re not getting any younger you know!”  These comments are to be expected from parents and close friends, but I am always amazed by the lack of discretion from mere acquaintances, and had to chuckle when THEY were offended when the answer they received wasn’t quite what they expected.

Of late I’ve been reflecting on how much my life has changed, with no option to go back, since becoming a parent 5+ years ago.  During the 9+ months of pregnancy and early parenthood my wife and I took bets on who would be the first to offer the following comment at every function we attended.  “You have no idea how much your life is going to change…” followed by the all-knowing nod.  I think I imagined the snicker.  I’m not sure what was most annoying about the comment, the fact that we both had a pretty good inkling that bringing a baby into our home was going to be a game changer, or the sheer number of times we heard the comment in the course of a year. But clearly this is the award winner!

So now more than 5 years in… were they right? Has life changed beyond what I expected? Undoubtedly  yes.  I can’t imagine finding the words to adequately describe the emotional paradigm shift that happens moments after the doctor puts an 8lb wiggling gurgling newly minted human being in your arms. 

The parenting magazines and advice from the parents all have their place. The shared experience and tips help you get through many days. But much of the journey of parenthood for me has been finding the strength to deal with challenges that are unique to each of us.  I remember vividly the first hours of being a parent, feeling woefully inadequate, but with no choice but to tackle the job at hand. The nurses at the old Women’s College hospital were kind and encouraged us new dads to step up to the parenting plate. The mothers needed some rest, now it was dads turn to do some work .  Those first nights saw many dads walking the halls of that Maternity ward, at all hours, shushing little babies, resting on the very experienced rocking chairs strategically placed throughout the ward.

There has been a lot of water under the bridge since those first nights at Women’s College Hospital and the learning curve has been steep! A good friend, that is about a year and a half ahead on the journey, made a great observation.  “Just when you think you have it figured out the kid moves the goal line.”  Absolutely true!   

Parenthood has taken me down roads I never dreamt I would see…both good and bad.  I don’t think my sleep patterns will ever return to “normal” again. It’s remarkable how many nights you can go with minimal sleep yet still function. You know… when it’s the 3^rd night in a row that once the Children’s Advil wears off, the fever returns and the crying starts. You sit up at 3 in the morning with a toddler sleeping on you…because he won’t and can’t sleep anywhere else. And you know you can’t miss another day of work.  Just when you think you have hit the wall and can’t possibly go on…the fever breaks, and he sleeps through the night…

Those sleepless nights become days, including the first day of day of school, when HE wants you to leave him at school alone, because he’s a “big boy” now.  Reluctantly you retreat, and you walk slowly and silently to your car, with all the other parents, sharing the same feeling of Guilt for leaving their kids behind.

What else has changed? Well actually pretty much everything, but here is the short list.  Trips to cottage, once peaceful journeys, are now filled with “are we there yet?” followed by “I have to pee” and “I spilled my milk” all within 20 minutes of home.   A trip to the Mall now means dropping $200 at Children’s Place and Baby Gap.  A trip to the beach now entails a truck load of shovels, pails, Tonka trucks, swim noodles, snacks & sunblock #120.  The 2 hour beach trip is followed by weeks of cleaning sand from every imaginable part of the car and house.  Going to a movie now means a new release by Disney or Pixar. New car aspirations are all about finding adequate space for kid, dog and all the paraphernalia that is required for an overnighter.

But the biggest changes have been internal. Pride is redefined when the toddler takes his first full steps and later scores his first goal at soccer…in the wrong net.   Fear finds new heights when a fever spikes and you can’t get it to come down, and when you turn your head for 3 seconds only to find him standing on the top of the monkey bars at the playground.  Anger seemingly comes out of nowhere, but in hindsight is the result of exhaustion and fear. Joy is renewed when the contagious laughter fills the house with the first use of the jolly jumper, and on Christmas morning with the shrieks of joy at the sight of the gifts under the tree. And on it goes…

At 5 years in…it’s hard to remember clearly what life was like before becoming a parent. The changes to the inner self are permanent.  I now understand why parents feel so compelled to share these words with prospective parents…”You have no idea how your life is about to change…” and I know there is nothing mean spirited by the statement. But I’m resisting saying those words to others. Parents will come to that realization by themselves in due course. But I do acknowledge that truer words were never spoken. 

Pong Anyone?

Reading tweets from the Consumer electronics show about the latest high tech gadgets gives pause to how far we’ve come, even in my life time.  I get some jabs in the office, by a few, about my ancient Blackberry. But compared to even 10 years ago the capabilities that are now in the palm of my hand still astound me. When I started work at the world’s largest security company in 1999 we did not even have email addresses. My cell phone at the time was the size of a small brick, weighed as much, had battery life of well over an hour, and was a phone...period.

When I was home over Christmas I was tempted to look in the depths of my parent’s basement to see if the original “pong” game was stashed in a box somewhere. I still remember the big white console with the big knobs, and the wire with alligator clamps to attach to the back of the TV, only after disconnecting the Antenna. When I was a kid, Christmas meant playing this with the other kids in the basement on a black and white TV, while the parents proudly listened to the  “reel to reel” hi fi upstairs.  The 8 track player was still to come!  The Christmas that had a Commodore Vic 20 under the tree meant we had arrived! That cassette drive was state of the art. Space Invaders rocked!

This morning’s temperature of about -24C, highlighted how far technology has reached into the automobile world.  I was not concerned about the car starting, with the onboard computer compensating for the cold temperature with the appropriate air to gasoline mixture via the electronic fuel injectors. I just reached in to turn the key and hit the switch for the seat warmer.  Back in the day… with carburetors and zero electronics in a car, a lot more skill was involved in starting a car at sub-zero temperatures… especially with my 1982 Lada, equipped not only with a carburetor but a MANUAL choke!  Starting that car meant paying close attention to every sound, shake and sputter, followed by the well timed in and out of the choke lever and taps on the gas pedal. Timing was everything! One mistake could mean a flooded engine and a few hours removing the sparkplugs, cleaning them and heating them with a torch. A little ether (starting fluid) could be of help to!  Do they still make that stuff?

So I guess I’m still a kid at heart because I still get impressed by how far technology has penetrated into everyday life. My office grinds to a halt when the internet goes down, I feel a little anxiety when I’m half way to work in the morning and I can’t find the Blackberry in the car.  So for better or worse technology is here and continues to be a bigger part of our lives. I am looking at replacing said Blackberry and am overwhelmed by the choice, and also the rate of obsolescence. What do I buy today that won’t be a boat anchor within 2 years?

I was home this afternoon with my 5 year old because the heat in the school was malfunctioning…probably a computer problem!  So we sparked up the Wii U in the basement. This was under the tree for the family this year. We’re pretty impressed with the complexity and capabilities of this apparatus… But somehow I can’t help but believe that one day my son will be telling a story, or writing a blog about this quaint toy of his youth, similar to my memories with the original “Pong” game that started it all…  Anybody want to make me an offer? That Commodore Vic 20 is probably buried in the parental archives too!