More Patience Please!

I can’t remember when I heard the line “I prayed to God for patience, and he answered me by giving me a son.”  But I have now come to fully appreciate the tragic humour in that statement. My son is about to turn the grand old age of 6. And its remarkable how much he already thinks he knows, and how often he thinks I’m wrong.  This would not be a problem if he kept those thoughts to himself, instead of arguing or attempting to negotiate his way through every request made of him. At the moment I can’t bear to think of what the teenage years will bring…

Parenting is clearly one of the most obvious opportunities to truly get to know your character flaws on many levels.  I now fully understand the parent curse of “just wait…one day you will have a kid who’s JUST LIKE YOU!” And I can also understand the glint in my father’s eye when he witnesses one of THOSE ‘battles of the wills’ between my son and me. 

Leading up to the birth of my son, I read a few of the top rated parenting books, attended a few lectures put on by experts, and thought…how tough can this be? All this knowledge and wonderful parenting goals of calmly reasoning with a child in a soothing tone, seemed pretty useful and logical, I’m teachable…I can do this…right? Funny but I don’t remember any of those books telling me that I had to put these wonderful parenting techniques into effect after the 3^rd night in a row of minimal sleep, with a kid that won’t or can’t sleep, or after a 6 hour car ride with multiple tantrums with toys and shoes thrown at your head, or the absolute refusal to swallow food after an hour at the dinner table.

I now readily admit that before I became a parent when I witnessed a child’s defiance in a grocery store followed by a parental meltdown, I used to pass judgement thinking that the parent needed to get a grip. Now when I see that happen I try to make compassionate eye contact with the embattled parent sending a telepathic message of “this is just a phase…hang in there…I get it!” I’m now sceptical of parents that suggest every day is paradise.

I remember sitting in on an excellent Barbara Coloroso seminar.  She is one of the gurus I actually like since she doesn’t sugar coat the parenting experience. Nor does she expect parenting perfection. Her news was encouraging…she said that a child that argues, pushes back, doesn’t always accept everything a parent requests, is a sign of a child that will have the strength to resist negative peer pressure as a teen. She suggests that this defiance as a child is actually a character asset in disguise! So there is hope after all.  

So what have I learned in the 6 short years of parenting? I can’t begin to sum it all up here, but I do know that this munchkin has an uncanny ability to evoke all kinds of emotions in me…some good, some fantastic and others that are…well…less than attractive.  Patience has never been my strong suit. As a kid I had no time for a model airplane with a billion pieces, and today I can get frustrated when it’s daylight savings time and I have to change the time on the clock in my car…you know the one…that has more steps than the launch sequence for the space shuttle?

So while I can sell the car or just put black tape over the clock, I can’t stop being a parent. So while my son, at 6, has a lot of growing to do, clearly at 47 I do as well.  I’m quite certain I will never be known to my friends as ‘Ghandi like’ with an abundance of patience…I am realistic. But there is definitely room for improvement, and there is usually a better way to do almost anything if I can slow it all down and let reason return. Of course maintaining a sense of humour never hurts.  

The other saving grace is that the dark days or moments are followed by days and moments of sheer joy. There is nothing like jumping off the diving board, hand in hand, for the first swim of the season. The morning snuggle in the easy chair while we both wake up, witnessing the first bike ride without training wheels, sitting in the school gymnasium for the end of school concert, and on it goes.   

And of course one day I too will get to pass on the parental curse. :-)