My SAHD Journey: Installment Two

Structure! That’s what kids need, structure and routine! That sounds reasonable, right? I can definitely see the benefits of structure and routine. It’s predictable, it’s safe, most everybody else does it, and supposedly it turns kids into well adjusted angels.

I bought in...For more years than I care to remember I have climbed out of bed between 6:30 and 7:00 am, had a shower, 2 cups of coffee, dropped a kid off at daycare and then joined the commuter shuffle, trying to find the path of least resistance to the office. After spending the day at work, keeping customers and managers as satisfied as possible, it was time for the commuter shuffle in reverse. Then jam a day’s worth of parenting into 2 hours, until kiddy bedtime…repeat. 

Now into my 4^th week as a stay at home dad, I’ve stepped off one treadmill, and trying not to step onto another.  I have to wonder if all that structure is actually more for the parent than the child. And maybe, just maybe it’s a little over rated?!  At this point, meeting the needs and expectations of an 11 month old toddler is not exceptionally difficult. In fact it’s quite manageable.  What’s proven to be more challenging is to relax, and let go of some of the structure and routine that I did faithfully for so many years.  As it stands, with a 2 nap day for the youngest, and a set time for school drop off and pickup for my 1^st grader, the day is structuring itself. The gaps in between are surprisingly short, and fill themselves easily with day to day chores.

What is proving to be more challenging is finding some unstructured time to get the hell out of the house! Yes it will get easier once the winter relents, but at the moment, being largely home for 22 hours a day grates. Yes I'm counting,  I was not made to be housebound! 

While I know it’s important to stay “in the moment” I can’t help but yearn for longer, warmer days that will allow for some new outdoor adventures. 

The bikes are looking awfully lonely in the shed! I can't wait to introduce our youngest to the joys of cycling. The seat has been waiting a few years for a new rider. But above all I will need to remind myself that it’s okay to depart from routine, because kids are resilient and so are adults! So if that snow we got today stays on the ground who knows what could happen! Perhaps something radical, like tobogganing on Clarkson's "Kentucky Hill".  Going forward, in a never ending quest for balance, the goal will be to let go of unnecessary routine, and make room for the spontaneity of life. But now I’ve gotta run, it’s my scheduled bedtime…

My SAHD Journey:Installment One

I am now a believer in the theory that parents suffer from a genetic amnesia disorder that makes you forget all the horrendous days and nights we experienced as parents…to insure survival of the species. Otherwise would anyone have a second child? Come on now, dig deep into the memory bank, invoke images of the smelly diapers, sleepless, puke filled, nights with endless shrieking and tears… and then tell me it ain’t so! 

Clearly I suffer from this disorder, having recently embarked on my latest adventure as a “stay at home dad” (SAHD) with our newest addition to the family … a little sweetheart, a 10 month old little girl!

This time around is a little different, she is a girl, and because we have adopted her, we missed the first 10 months of care.  And with that we missed many sleepless nights filled with new born noises and needs including the 2 a.m. feedings. I’m grateful she had such terrific care from a wonderful foster Mother, we now reap the benefits in a well-adjusted, happy, 10 month old toddler.

Now 3 weeks into my adventure as a SAHD the reality and gravity of it all is sinking in. I feel the stress of the last few weeks of work leaving me.  The uncertainty of the final days leading up to the adoption is now over, and a daily routine is beginning to take shape.  And my son appears to be abundantly pleased to finally be a big brother.

I am amazed at how much I have forgotten in the six and a half years since my son came onto the scene…how to load the refills into the diaper genie, how difficult it is to install a car seat, how much food a 10 month old eats, the significant expensive of diapers and formula, and more. And I’m equally amazed how quickly it all comes back.  

I have noticed a big difference on how we have handled a new baby in the home compared to the first time around. When my son came home I contemplated asking for a police escort to protect us from the hooligans on the 401, I measured the water and formula powder with the precision of a chemist. Every sound and new behaviour invoked fear that we had done something wrong. This time around the confidence is certainly higher.  And there is a realisation that kids need love and care, but are also resilient. And perfection is not a prerequisite to parenthood (thank god).

In the days ahead I hope to share my new journey as a stay at home dad. I know the days will not all be sunshine and lollipops…until of course the amnesia kicks in again….