How Family Diversity Is Changing The Face Of Adoption | The Baby Post

How Family Diversity Is Changing The Face Of Adoption | The Baby Post

The World According To Trump? No Thank You | The Baby Post

The World According To Trump? No Thank You! 

As published on Babypost.com November  2016

It’s easy at the moment to look at the U.S. election campaign and think “I’m glad that’s not us!” We watch Saturday Night Live mock Donald Trump and we laugh at our neighbours.

 But maybe we should not be quite so glib or self-righteous. I honestly wonder what kind of society my kids are going to grow up in when I read the news every day. What appears to be a dumbing down of our politics and appealing to a lower common denominator, rather than leaders trying to elevate the debate, is happening here too.

I never wanted to be the person that constantly said “back in my day,” or worse, refer to “the good old days” as if it was the time of enlightenment. I grew up in the 70s and 80s, and history tells us there were problems and we got a lot of things wrong. But there were some things which seemed untouchable and reassuringly constant. Many of these things seem to be in question today. And largely, I think we are the worse for it.

Yes, there were some private schools in earlier decades, but they were largely using a similar curriculum and simply provided better facilities for those that could afford it. The fundamentals, like the belief in science, were givens. The fact most of us were jammed into an imperfect public system was in many ways the great equalizer. I was the child of immigrants, yet I got the same education as the third generation Canadian lawyer’s kid that lived down the street. It made us largely colour blind. Now we see challenges to the curriculum, suggesting religious studies should be treated the same as science, with Creationism taught alongside the Theory of Evolution. Except that Creationism is a story, while Evolution is a scientifically proven theory.

We had health classes, and yes the teachers did venture into what today is controversial for some—the dreaded Sex Education. I am glad it was addressed in schools, as it was not something my Dad wanted to talk about. And today I want my kids to be properly educated about their bodies, what is right and wrong, what’s socially acceptable and what’s not. I will certainly try to create a home environment where the kids feel safe to bring their questions home. But sometimes it’s easier to talk to somebody who is not your Dad. Unfortunately, many hardcore religious zealots would like to see this muted.

Over the past 50 years in Canada, we witnessed some incredible health advances that largely saw major diseases disappear or shrink drastically. Who remembers an iron lung from polio victims, or small pox outbreaks, or even mumps and measles? But now we have the internet, and we give a voice to people that have no real credentials, like a former Playboy Bunny, and suddenly vaccinations are evil. Now we see childhood diseases returning because people choose to believe conspiracy theorists over countless scientific studies. When did we get to the ‘facts don’t matter’ era? Do we leave the health of our kids in the hands of scientifically educated doctors or a B-list actor? In Peel region alone last year, 8400 kids faced suspension for not having vaccinations up to date—the same schools my children attend.

I remember vividly as a kid my meetings with police officers. They came to visit the schools and let kids climb in the police cruisers, they came to the fairs and carnivals with their horses and let us feed them carrots. Our parents and teachers taught us that the police were our friends and were there to help us if we ever were lost. My son is in Grade 3 now, and I don’t remember the police paying an educational visit to the school. We have the police in Peel defending a policy of carding, where people are stopped and questioned without cause and files are kept, again without cause. Then we wonder why there are growing trust issues with our youth, ethnic groups, and the police.

In the last Canadian Federal Election, we saw some of the fear-based, often fact free, policies promoted. My favourite was the proposed Hotline for “Barbaric Cultural Practices”. How do I explain that to my 8-year-old? Fortunately, this time around Canadians rejected this divisive approach and embraced what has been the traditional Canadian approach. But even now we have a candidate pitching an immigration policy that would include a means test of “Canadian Values”. And what exactly would those be? Tolerance, acceptance, and inclusiveness have been our goal, or at least that’s what I was taught. But it seems kind of ironic that a proposed test does the exact opposite.

Before we laugh too hard about Trump we should remember the era of Mayor Ford. Where facts didn’t matter either, and the policy of simply repeating a lie over and over was deemed to be okay. We have a very tired government and an opposition party that may or may not repeal the long overdue sex-ed curriculum, plus some other hard right ideas imported from our southern neighbours. 

This didn’t start with Donald Trump—he is just today’s flag bearer for those who want to take us backward, whether it be women’s rights, gay rights or racial equality. But for the sake of our kids, it’s never been more important to be involved in our communities and let the voices of tolerance, compassion, science, education, and equality, be heard loud and clear.    

The Big 5-0: How Being A Late Bloomer Helped Me Be A Better Father | The Baby Post

The Big 5-0: How Being A Late Bloomer Helped Me Be A Better Father

Mike Wedmann celebrates a significant birthday and looks back at his lifelong penchant for hitting milestones at a more leisurely pace than his peers.

by Michael Wedmann

One of my favourite comedians, Jim Gaffigan, wrote a book titled 'Daddy Is Fat'. Today I am wondering if I wrote a book, would it be called 'Daddy is Old'? This crazy talk comes as my 50th birthday rapidly approaches and I finally get my two kids (two and eight) to bed. The thing is, I’m ready for bed too…and it’s only 8.30 pm on Monday night. Would I be this tired if I were turning 35? I have to wonder.

I don’t intend this piece to sound like a complaint. It’s not. It’s no accident that I became a dad for the first time at 42, and again 6 years later. But that is not to say I don’t at times wonder how things would have looked if these opportunities came when I was younger. I had a great visit on the weekend with a buddy that was my roommate in University. My son was with me and we all went for a great scenic bike ride around Niagara Falls. We’ve been good friends for 30 years. and I was the MC at his wedding almost 25 years ago. His daughter turned 20 on Sunday. I remember being at the baptism of this child 19 years ago. At the time I wondered how people managed to pull off this family thing, with all the responsibility and challenges. Most of my friends from my University days went on to have kids in the usual way… in their early 30’s.  A dozen years later this same friend was my best man when I finally decided that I might be able to pull off being a husband, and just maybe, a family man. I do admit that I wondered if I had left it too late.

Today, while many of my long-time friends (I don’t want to call them old) are now dealing with university tuitions and car payments for their kids, my commitments are for daycare payments and swimming lessons. While many long-time friends are looking at retirement plans in the not too distant future…I don’t see that anywhere on the radar.  I am heartened when I am at the playground with my kids and another Dad arrives with grey hair and laugh lines.

But the truth of the matter is, I’ve been a late bloomer on many things in my life, so why not in the parenting field? I was a confirmed bachelor in my twenties, too busy, too self-centered, and too immature for a meaningful relationship at that age. Today I’m grateful that I didn’t have kids at that time, I was nowhere near ready to be a dad or a husband. A family at that time would have been a train wreck.

In my 30’s I began to figure out who I was and what I wanted my life to look like, but it took a bit of time to get those pieces to fall into place.   After all, I had to find a partner that would go along with my craziness. And honestly, when I was 35 I thought I had tons of time ahead of me. I had yet to experience that phenomena my parents talked about; how time goes faster the older you get! When I was a kid the summer seemed endless, at 40 it was a long season, and as I approached 50 this summer it seemed like a long weekend! There are still summer activities I want to tackle and it’s October!   

So what does 50 look and feel like for this dad?  Well at the moment I am still able to keep up with my youngsters. While others have been plagued with bad knees and hips, so far I have dodged that bullet and remain in good health. No ailments that the odd Advil won’t fix. Now we hope that scenario continues indefinitely. But strangely, now that I approach 50, my brain has this wonderful habit of creating a little paranoia around relatively harmless ailments. At 40 I was invincible and unstoppable, at 50 a lingering cough from a cold could be lung disease? A sore knee for a day may be chronic arthritis? That indigestion after the 4 slices of pizza could be a heart attack? So far none of the above has transpired. And while I admit those crazy thoughts surface occasionally, I don’t act on them as I know they are not necessarily rational. It is just a new consciousness of my mortality. At 50 we are no longer middle aged…

I wish I could say I was in the best shape of my life, but that is not the case. But on that note, I will say having two young kids is an incentive to try harder. When I was 40 I decided to start cycling again. it started with short rides around the neighbourhood. On my 48th birthday, I did a 48 km ride. On my 49th birthday I did the 60 km Tour de Mississauga, and in the days before my 50th birthday, I even managed an 80km cycle. Like I said, I’ve always been a late bloomer.

My weekends are always action packed. My eight-year-old just graduated to yet another bigger and faster bicycle this weekend. My two-year-old, anxious to compete with her big brother, is now zipping down sidewalks on a tricycle (with Dad running behind). In the days ahead we will need to find her some skates, because if big brother is skating the little one won’t be far behind. Let’s see how my back holds out on the rink teaching another short one how to skate.

Weekdays are busy with the challenge of getting everyone out of the house on time and off to school and daycare and work. Evenings are about getting dinner ready while still having enough time for play and outdoor time if possible. Sometime after that comes laundry, cleaning the pool, and other grown up chores. Throw in some road trips to the family cottage and grandparent visits, and just maybe a date night once in a while.  Yes, it’s a busy life.

So would I have it any other way? The short answer is no. My life is not without its challenges but coming home to the happy shouts of “DADDY DADDY” does a lot to alleviate those tough moments and days. Even today I am not known for boundless patience. But it’s a far cry from the epic short fuse I had in my 20s. I don’t know that I would have had the temperament in my 20s to work with my son on a school project to create a working toy school bus using only parts we could retrieve from our recycling bin.  Even in my 30s, I don’t know if I could have been a Stay at Home Dad for a year, which I did a few short years ago. That was perhaps one of the best years of my life.  So while turning 50 has its negatives, in my experience, I like myself more now than I did 20 years ago. I believe that level of self-confidence and comfort in my own skin makes me a far better father now than I could have been as a younger man.

So perhaps things happened exactly at the right time. And just maybe I’m not as concerned about being a dad at 50 as I am wondering what it will be like when I’m 60?

 

Forget Millennials, It's The Sandwich Generation We Need To Worry About | The Baby Post

Forget Millennials, It's The Sandwich Generation We Need To Worry About

Michael Wedmann thinks it's time we started taking care of the generation of adults who are caught between caring for their kids and their elderly parents.

by Michael Wedmann

I cannot speak for you, but I am quite tired of hearing all the talk of Millennials. And of course, the Gen X’ers cannot get enough attention. And rarely a week goes by without a story about the Baby Boomers. But I don’t hear a lot about what is called “The Sandwich Generation”. These are individuals caught between the often conflicting demands of caring for children and caring for seniors. And while caring for both kids and seniors, simultaneously holding down full-time jobs. I think I just missed being Generation X, I may be Generation. But I am definitely in the midst of the “Sandwich Generation".

Of course, it’s not a new development. People have been looking after their kids and parents since forever. But statistics suggest this situation will grow significantly as the baby boomers grow older. And in our current society, we do have some challenges that differ from previous generations.

Go back to the 1950s and 60s and most families could easily manage on one income. This opened the door to one spouse being a stay at home parent. While I certainly don’t undermine the difficulty of being a stay at home parent, it does mean a different reality. It takes some pressure off when a senior parent needs some assistance after a hip replacement and it’s not necessary to ask for time off work from an employer. In earlier times we also didn’t travel or migrate as far from the nest.  Today travel is easy and multi-national companies encourage their workers to relocate. So the days of several generations living in the same house or at least in the same town is not as common anymore. It’s one thing to zip over to our parent’s house to help out for an hour when it’s an 8-minute drive, rather than a four-hour drive or plane ride. We’ve also gone from previous generations where three, four and five kids were common. Now most Canadian families have one child. The implication down the road means that this lone child will bear the full burden of parent care. Of course, the other factor is that better nutrition plus advances in health care mean we are living longer. Life expectancy in Canada in 2016 has reached 80 for men and 84 for women. In 1960 it was only 68 for men and 74 for women! We all wish our parents would live forever, but this new reality is changing family dynamics. 

My parents had a different experience as immigrants, moving to another continent. In their case, it was for the most part impossible for them to be of assistance to their parents as they aged and required more assistance. At that time air travel was very expensive and they simply didn’t have the resources to fly overseas every time there was a time of need. Even overseas phone calls were outrageously expensive back in the 1970s, and poor quality as well. This brought them their own heartaches and feelings of powerlessness. This is often the untold story of being an immigrant. Fortunately, in Germany, where my Grandparents lived, there was a strong social assistance program that did provide adequate care. And siblings and cousins had to step up to the plate. But sometimes there is no substitute for just “being there”. We all want to do the best for our loved ones which is why we are feeling increasing pressure to do more, and more, and more.

Is it ironic that my 2.5-year-old awoke with a blazing fever this morning when I knew I would be writing this article tonight? Probably not. On Thursday I spent six hours in my car so I could visit my parents, with my mom still ailing from a bad fall. I could not be of much assistance but at least I could provide some emotional support. I am also very fortunate to have a very capable sister and brother-in-law that share this challenging time.

Another twist in the situation is the increasing age of new parents. As we choose to have kids later in life we now are running into the situation of having elderly parents while having very young children. It’s never easy to be a caregiver to a parent. But when the kids have already flown the nest or at least old enough to be self- sustaining it’s a little more manageable. 

The repercussions go outside the family and into the workplace. Now we have a new balancing act. We must ask for time off work when the toddler has a fever or to take a parent to an out of town specialist appointment. Do we turn down promotions that will be too time-consuming? Do we avoid important career choices to preserve our seniority and stability?

In my case, I just celebrated a 50th birthday and have a 2-year-old daughter and 8-year-old son to care for. I have been very fortunate to have had my parents with me through thick and thin. They are made from sturdy stock, both now in their eighties and still living in their own home, largely on their terms. However, getting old is often unkind and comes with health challenges. 

So what is the solution? We hear a lot of talk about more resources in our health care system for in-home care. But is the home care designed for those that are the intended recipients? From what I have experienced the in-home care can be difficult to qualify for, and difficult to understand when you are not tech-savvy or perhaps when you are elderly and stressed out, have poor hearing, or when English is a second language. 

Perhaps it’s time to rethink social services so they work for the recipients. Maybe it’s time we find ways to provide financial assistance to caregivers for short-term leave in addition to long-term requirements. Maybe we need to educate employers and coworkers on what these challenges mean.

In an era where we seem to be very short-sighted, cutting pensions, cutting benefits, outsourcing our good paying jobs to other countries and vilifying unions that champion worker’s rights and wages, I fear we are headed in the wrong direction when we are on the cusp of the “Sandwich Generation” growing exponentially. While this may be my story today, there are plenty more just around the corner. Buckle up!

In Defense Of Living In The Suburbs | The Baby Post

Okay, I admit it. I live in the suburbs. And I like it. But I'll try not to be a suburban snob. In my job, I spend a lot of time either in front of a computer or in my car en route to see clients and often I tune in to talk radio to pass the time. On a regular basis, I hear the “downtown dwelling” commentators and pundits lauding the advantages of inner city living while mocking us suburbanites. Many seem to think the suburbs should be restored to farms and everyone outside the city proper boundaries will be ecstatic to be back living in the city. I have a few problems with this theory…

For the record, I am writing from experience, I have lived in a small town, in downtown Toronto, South Etobicoke, and now Clarkson which is in Southwest Mississauga. All areas have pros and cons. But I don’t think the suburbs are getting a fair shake from the media.

If I relied on what the media often portray as suburban living it would be a rather dreary lifestyle, entailing driving from a two car garage for two hours to a job in the downtown, and at 5 pm driving back for two hours into that same garage, to eat dinner, sleep, and repeat. The burbs are often portrayed as cookie cutter houses in undistinguishable neighbourhoods, with no transit or infrastructure for kilometers…the land of the car! And of course with NOTHING to do for fun or entertainment unless you return to the city. In other words, no redeeming qualities can be found here.

Yet so many of us are choosing to live outside of major centers. Why? Is it only about housing costs? Are people moving to places like Milton, Port Credit, Oakville, Burlington, and Stoney Creek purely to find affordable houses? On the surface, it may seem that way, but when you dig a little deeper there is more to the story. Housing costs in many of these areas rival those of Toronto, and in most cases, the taxes are higher. The average house price in Oakville is now over $1 million. The 2016 report on the best places in Canada to raise families names Oakville and Burlington in the top five, yet these towns are often deemed as “bedroom communities”.  Toronto and Vancouver did not make the list, while other outlying areas fared quite well, including Port Credit, Vaughan, and Aurora. So why are we constantly branding the suburbs as such hopeless places?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a big city basher. There are some great neighbourhoods in the city and I respect people’s individual choices. If you want to live on the 20th floor of a condo, that’s great. If you want to raise kids with no backyard, all power to you. But some of us are opting for other venues. In our case, the lack of available houses with enough space for a family with kids and the crazy bidding wars are what drove us out of Toronto into Clarkson, a 20-minute drive from Etobicoke. Had that situation been different, we would probably still be Toronto dwellers.  So while economics got us to look outside the big city, what we found there is what keeps us.

In our community, yes, we have plenty of bungalows and, yes, almost everyone has a car. BUT despite popular belief, many don’t use the car to commute to Toronto every day. In our neighbourhood, we have a multi-use trail leading to the GO station that is well-traveled by cyclists and pedestrians each day, while cars rest in driveways. And despite popular belief, many industries have left Toronto for outlying communities like Mississauga and Vaughan. For example, my wife does not commute to Toronto, but instead 15 minutes west to Oakville.

When our first child was on the way and we lived in Toronto, we were on several waiting lists for daycare, with no assurance of getting a spot. With our second child in Clarkson, a waiting list was not required and we found we even had a choice of locations! The quality of the daycare workers and facilities has been excellent. Enrollment in community center activities has been seamless. Want to sign up for swim classes? No problem! No crazy cut off times, no 5 am waiting by the phone or computer to register for fear of not getting a spot. 

Speaking of our local community center, it’s a great facility. The staff is competent and helpful; programs are run efficiently for all ages. The infrastructure is well maintained and equipped with current technology. The buildings and grounds, while often not new, are well kept and clean.  In Toronto, we often experienced facilities that were old, and tired. Bathrooms were often locked or out of service, staff often difficult to locate, and programs minimal and usually sold out.

While recently at a family gathering which drew people from various cities and communities, I heard several comments on how fortunate we were to have so many recreational opportunities for our kids and our family. And they are correct. Yes our property taxes are higher than what we paid in Toronto, but if it means our parks are plentiful and not overcrowded, the playground equipment is not broken or ancient, the grass is cut regularly not after it’s a foot high, the flower beds are maintained, and the beaches cleaned of debris, I’m okay with it.

What else is good out here in the boonies? We have found the schools to be small and not overcrowded, with caring teachers and administration. The teachers and all staff seem to know every kid by name. The school spirit is good and kids get the extra help they need when they need it. This may be true in other places but we have found it here.

Our neighbourhood has families that know each other and help each other out. My neighbour is the owner of a snowblower and I have come home more than once to find my driveway cleared. It’s nice to be able to chat on the driveway, and it's great recognizing a bunch of the kids that come to the door on Halloween. The neighbourhood kids are polite and live outside playing ball hockey all year.

I spent the best part of a year in this community home on Parental leave. Despite what many think about the suburbs, we went many days at a time without the need of a car. This is a walkable community. All our basic needs and more are within walking distance. Grocery store, bakery, pharmacy, bank, library, pool, arena, schools and the train station are easily reached with a 10-minute walk. When we wanted to go further we biked. Bike lanes are plentiful and traffic is not in constant gridlock. As a “Stay at Home Dad” I had very little need or desire to head into the city. There is plenty to do here to keep a family and kids busy. 

Now perhaps my view is skewed by the fact I don’t live in one of the newly built areas. Clarkson is an old village that got swallowed by amalgamation. The houses are older with mature trees lining the streets, great restaurants, and Clarkson Village remains a quaint, viable, and desirable place to be.

But it’s still by definition a suburb, just an older one. So while I try not to judge those choosing the downtown lifestyle, perhaps some reciprocation could be extended to those of us that have chosen a different path. Contempt prior to investigation is rarely accurate or helpful.

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A Parent's Worst Nightmare...300 Adoptions Halted!

As first posted on Babypost.com by: Mike Wedmann


A few mornings ago a chilling story hit the airwaves about 300 Ontario adoptions being halted by the Ontario Government. I won’t even begin to suggest that I am objective on this matter. Barely a month has passed since we received the court order confirming the adoption of our daughter. The court order marked the end of our long 4 year adoption process. Needless to say the sense of relief was palpable. But now some 300 adoptions in Ontario, in various stages, have been halted due to a problem with drug tests from Mother Risk. WHAT!?!

Now to be clear, we are not one of the families that got a call from Children’s Aid telling us that we had a problem. It would appear that we are not personally affected by this huge bureaucratic bungle. But I cannot describe the chill that went through me when I read this news story. And now the inevitable question arises about how much power the government has to remove a child? Could a different scenario arise and reverse a court order? Every parent’s worst nightmare is the thought of losing a child. With adoptive parents it’s no different. Some of the families affected were days or maybe weeks away from finalizing. This means that the child was in all likelihood living with them for a year or more.

In our case my daughter lived with us for over a year before everything was finalized, but all along the presumption was she would be staying permanently. She took her first steps in our home, said Daddy for the first time in our home. She snuggles on the couch every Saturday morning with her 7 year old brother. To him she is his sister; to her he is big brother…no room for interpretation or conditions. Because we already had a child when we opted to go down the adoption path we made decisions and choices to protect our son. We were offered the “Fostering with a view to Adopt” program. In this scenario you start as foster parents while Children’s Aid is still in the process of getting custody of the child. We opted NOT to accept this program as the risk of the fostering NOT ending in an adoption was real. We felt it would be very difficult for us as parents to “give back” a child, but not at all acceptable to put our young son through such a loss. Instead we opted for conventional adoption to avoid this kind of risk. But given the News Headlines of a few days ago, we were kidding ourselves about mitigating this risk.

So how do you accept a phone call or a visit from Children’s Aid to be informed that despite doing everything correctly, the child may be taken away…or maybe not, because of potentially inaccurate testing by an agency? I don’t have an answer; I don’t know what I would do. I cannot imagine sitting down with my 7 year old son to inform him that his sister might be taken away. So you can believe that I have incredible sympathy for the hundreds of families that have had their lives turned upside down by this decision.

Part of the adoption process is this great education that parents receive about how the system is all about the interests of the child. We are told about the great lengths that occur to try to re-unify the family and the precautions that are taken, and the great lengths to get it all right. And then there is the intense over the top scrutiny of the adoptive parents. If you want to adopt, you better be prepared to have every part of your life, past and present be scrutinized. Medical, criminal, social and family history is fair game for the state. So how did this go so wrong? And how did such a highly respected institution like Sick Kids Hospital drop the ball with the Mother Risk program? We are constantly told to trust science, trust doctors, trust medical procedures… so how do test results in hundreds of cases become questionable? Where is the oversight?

We are lead to believe the process to remove a child from a parent is thorough and every case scrutinized with great care and is full of legal procedures, including a year where the birth parent can work to redeem themselves. We are told that each case is unique and that each child has their own story. I would like to think that the process of removing a child from a birth parent is the result of clear evidence, on many levels, that the parent is unfit. A drug test is certainly an important part of this scrutiny but should not be the single deciding factor. Yet this decree to halt 300 adoptions seems to be based only on the test result from Mother Risk. The halt of 300 adoptions also has the appearance of a bureaucratic ‘one size fits all’ solution for cases with very diverse situations and needs.

I’m not usually the conspiracy theorist, and I do believe our gov’t usually has good intentions, even when they get it wrong. But in this case it feels like some bureaucrats are making blanket decisions affecting hundreds of lives, because they are too afraid to do the next right thing. This has all the feel of a solution for political expediency at the cost of individual families. And sadly it is going largely unnoticed. It’s time our officials were held more accountable. Adoptive families matter, we love and we hurt the same as the rest. We must do better.

Why We Will Always Have a Dog!

As first published on BabyPost.com

We have a dog…we are not sure if the dog knows she is a dog,  but she clearly is a big goofy 11 year old black Labrador Retriever.  We also have 2 kids, almost 2 and 7 years of age. Yes, we are the poster family for a minivan.  Should you get a dog? I don’t know the answer to that, but for us it’s been a great ride.  

It was the summer of 2005 when I got an email at work, with the picture of a 3 month old Labrador puppy and the heading ‘Looking for a good home”.   My wife and I had been contemplating getting a dog and starting a family was also on the horizon, we just weren’t sure what order they would arrive.  The email proved to be life changing. We went that night to meet “Bella”, we pretty much knew that unless something highly unusual occurred we were likely coming home with a puppy.  We are both dog people, Lisa grew up with the small dog breeds, I grew up with bigger dogs including Labradors and German Shepherds.  Because of my experience with the bigger breeds, my wife asked me “Are Labradors affectionate?”  A good question considering we were hopeful to add kids to our family very soon.  The answer to the question came easily, and if you have never met a Labrador, yes they are quite affectionate.

Bella came home with us that evening, and our lives have never been the same since.  If you have seen the movie “Marley and Me” you may have an idea what it’s like to have a crazy, loveable, high energy dog move in with you.   Bella’s tail has more strength than a bionic limb; it rarely rests, and is the perfect height to clear off most coffee tables.  No coffee cup, vase, or magazine is safe.   She quickly learned basic English…the mere mention of the W-A-L-K word resulted in excitement overload.   Shoes were chewed, leather gloves were shredded, and floors were peed on.  We knew that Labs tended to be excitable and slower to grow up than other breeds, but Bella took this to the max.  Despite the antics Bella quickly became a part of the family and her unique personality was revealed. Along with her exuberance was incredible loyalty and affection. This dog loved her people and could be found anywhere we were, at the cottage, swimming in the lake, walking in the parks, and sleeping in the bed.

I would be lying to suggest the thought didn’t cross my mind on whether this dog would be suitable for a family with babies and toddlers. Our concern was not about a mean temperament, or biting. But would her hyper behaviour send toddlers flying across the room?  Would her very strong bond with us result in jealous behaviour?  We weren’t sure… we also didn’t want to think about what we would do if she didn’t react well to the arrival of kids.

I grew up with animals, I believe I was 3 and my sister 10 when my parents caved in to the requests for a puppy, and we had a steady stream of dogs, cats, and even a pony throughout my childhood and adolescence.  I know there are those that feel it’s irresponsible to have pets with young children. But given my experience I think the advantages far outweigh the challenges…and there are challenges.

I can’t speak for my parents but from a kid’s point of view, it just seemed second nature to have a dog.  As a young boy they provided great companionship when there were no other kids around.  They provided a heated pillow while lying on the rec room floor watching tv. They taught me to care for other living creatures. I learned that while dogs were different than me, could not talk, they clearly were capable of being hurt, being loved and loving, as well as communicating in different ways.  And they introduced me to the concept of loyalty, no matter what stupid juvenile stunts I pulled, the family dog always stood by me, even when my Mom wasn’t speaking to me.

 Now all those years later, roles reversed and acting as parent, we had Bella. And sure enough the first kid did arrive when Bella was emerging from her puppy years as a 3 year old.  The shoe chewing had stopped, but her sheer enthusiasm for just being alive had not waned.   In 3 years we had never seen any anger or aggression in her temperament. 

In July of 2008 our son arrived. Before we brought him home we let Bella smell one of his blankets so the scent would be familiar.  Bella eagerly greeted us when we brought our boy home, the nose sniffing and tail wagging in high gear. I held her tightly by the collar and let her inspect our new bundle. Her excitement was clear but she seemed to understand that this package was special with some fragility and she settled down.   She quickly adapted to the routine of having another little human in the house, and was quite happy to have company during the day now with Lisa and the baby home on parental leave. It was not long before she recognized the crying baby and if we didn’t react soon enough she would get our attention and stare at us intently with a “aren’t you going to do something” look. And almost 8 years later I can say we still have not witnessed any aggression.  Our second child arrived a year ago with Bella as a “senior citizen”. She quickly adopted this new toddler as one of her people and her same loyal, patient, gentleness continues.    

Now we are not from the school of thought that dogs and toddlers should be together without supervision or boundaries.  In many ways we were more concerned about the dog getting hurt than the toddlers. Kids don’t have great judgement and don’t know their own strength. So we have done our best to protect Bella from ear pulls, fingers in the eyes…and other areas. We try to always insure Bella has a way to escape, never feeling trapped.  For the most part we have been successful.  But a great dog means they are prepared for the worst, those moments when we don’t run interference quick enough.

Bella is the ultimate good sport. Over the years she has willing submitted to having her toe nails painted green,  a toddler eating her kibble, being sprayed with the hose, being puked on, and her tail scotch taped, to name just a few interactions.  To date this dog has accepted this with grace, at most a belly grumble or sigh, never aggression.  

Our son is 7 now, and he has become a great dog lover and is showing his little sister how to be gentle with this furry member of our family.  Perhaps the lack of allergies and strong immune system are also thanks to the constant companionship of our Bella.

I won’t say there have been no regrets or second thoughts, there have been a few.  If you are seriously thinking of adding a dog to your family there are a few things you should know.  It’s not always easy…and your life will change. In some ways a dog is a tougher commitment than a child.  Not everywhere you visit welcomes a dog.  Not every hotel welcomes a dog.  Not every family member likes a dog. Working late is tougher when you have a dog.  Going on vacation gets more complicated with a dog.  Selling a house gets more complicated when you have a dog. Buying a vehicle has more limitations when you have a big dog.  Vets are expensive if and when the dog gets sick. Dogs shed and track in dirt. Dogs need to get outside and need exercise everyday rain or shine.  And unlike kids, dogs don’t grow up, they remain dependent on you for their entire lives, and that life can be long. 

But if none of that scares you off, than buckle up, you are in for a great ride!  You will be welcomed home enthusiastically EVERY DAY, no matter how big of a jerk you have been. You will witness heartwarming interactions with your kids and you will experience unconditional love at its purest.