THE COVID DAD WEEK THREE

It’s a bleak looking early Spring day, steady rain, drizzle and grey skies.  This is week three of Dad’s return to life as a Stay at Home Dad. Yes, we survived the first 2 weeks, so what went right and what went wrong? 

Honestly, we got a lot of things right, and I am surprised how well we have adapted. But there have been some challenges.

How do we create a balance between constructive time, including schoolwork, reading books & household chores versus getting zoned out on tablets and Netflix? This a parenting challenge at the best of times, but in “normal” times we get to hand off this problem to our kid's schools from 8:00 am to 4 pm from Monday to Friday. Now we not only need to act as parents but also teachers and schoolyard supervisors. Except we aren’t allowed to let our kids play in schoolyards or playgrounds. Getting this right is a work in progress.  As a parent, it’s just too easy to let the kids strap on headphones and start watching Youtube. This remarkably buys you an hour or 2 of time where you can take a break from being a referee, teacher, and parent. It gives you time to make a few important phone calls. But it’s too easy to abuse this power…and something curious happens to kids when they spend to much time behind screens…they turn into moody little monsters with serious attitude.

One of the biggest changes is learning how to slow down. It’s been 5 years since I had any serious time to slow things down. We are a busy family. We are two parents working full time. The constant challenge is balancing raising 2 kids, keeping a house somewhat fit for living, 2 cars in decent repair, adequate time on the job, checking in on parents, occasional date night and meeting with friends, getting the kids to dance, guitar, basketball, skiing, swimming, soccer, and the occasional bike ride.  Yep to keep all that going, requires a certain pace. What the Corona Virus has done is wipe much of that agenda off the board.  But it’s hard to go from 60km/h to 10 in a few days.

Now when we do our daily sanity walk (because we can’t do much else out of the house) my default setting is to set a quick pace to get it done. But why? 

Now when my 6-year-old has a question or 20 about something she sees, we can stop and investigate it further. When my 11-year old wants to go further or take a different route…we can…because why not?  It sounds simple, but it takes a while to change that default setting.  We now have been granted permission, by a virus, to watch a Netflix movie at 2 in the afternoon.

Being a parent at times like this also means providing some shelter to kids from the avalanche of information that is coming down the Pike, mostly negative.  Keeping the TV and radio news off or away from kids is difficult. DD6 knows more about the Corona Virus than she should. She also knows it’s why she can’t visit or Opa, or her Nanna and Grandpa, or her Aunt and Uncle. She has stopped asking if today is a school day.

Managing exposure to the massive amounts of media and current events that I take in is critically important as well. Stay informed but limit exposure to avoid a daily or hourly anxiety attack.  It’s hard to put on a smile and have patience with kids when the news is overwhelmingly negative and all about fear.  How do you stay calm in the midst of a pandemic, and project hope onto your kids?  How do you not let your kids see your fear about paying the bills in the months ahead, watching your wife head to work every day wondering if she is safe, wondering if and when you will go back to work, if and when you will get to see your extended family?  If and when we can host a simple Birthday party, if and when we can plan a family vacation, and on it goes…

The only solution I have found is to try as best I can, to stay in the day. I try to be grateful that for today we are more than okay, and we have more than we need. Just don’t ask me about tomorrow…