THE COVID DAD WEEK THREE

It’s a bleak looking early Spring day, steady rain, drizzle and grey skies.  This is week three of Dad’s return to life as a Stay at Home Dad. Yes, we survived the first 2 weeks, so what went right and what went wrong? 

Honestly, we got a lot of things right, and I am surprised how well we have adapted. But there have been some challenges.

How do we create a balance between constructive time, including schoolwork, reading books & household chores versus getting zoned out on tablets and Netflix? This a parenting challenge at the best of times, but in “normal” times we get to hand off this problem to our kid's schools from 8:00 am to 4 pm from Monday to Friday. Now we not only need to act as parents but also teachers and schoolyard supervisors. Except we aren’t allowed to let our kids play in schoolyards or playgrounds. Getting this right is a work in progress.  As a parent, it’s just too easy to let the kids strap on headphones and start watching Youtube. This remarkably buys you an hour or 2 of time where you can take a break from being a referee, teacher, and parent. It gives you time to make a few important phone calls. But it’s too easy to abuse this power…and something curious happens to kids when they spend to much time behind screens…they turn into moody little monsters with serious attitude.

One of the biggest changes is learning how to slow down. It’s been 5 years since I had any serious time to slow things down. We are a busy family. We are two parents working full time. The constant challenge is balancing raising 2 kids, keeping a house somewhat fit for living, 2 cars in decent repair, adequate time on the job, checking in on parents, occasional date night and meeting with friends, getting the kids to dance, guitar, basketball, skiing, swimming, soccer, and the occasional bike ride.  Yep to keep all that going, requires a certain pace. What the Corona Virus has done is wipe much of that agenda off the board.  But it’s hard to go from 60km/h to 10 in a few days.

Now when we do our daily sanity walk (because we can’t do much else out of the house) my default setting is to set a quick pace to get it done. But why? 

Now when my 6-year-old has a question or 20 about something she sees, we can stop and investigate it further. When my 11-year old wants to go further or take a different route…we can…because why not?  It sounds simple, but it takes a while to change that default setting.  We now have been granted permission, by a virus, to watch a Netflix movie at 2 in the afternoon.

Being a parent at times like this also means providing some shelter to kids from the avalanche of information that is coming down the Pike, mostly negative.  Keeping the TV and radio news off or away from kids is difficult. DD6 knows more about the Corona Virus than she should. She also knows it’s why she can’t visit or Opa, or her Nanna and Grandpa, or her Aunt and Uncle. She has stopped asking if today is a school day.

Managing exposure to the massive amounts of media and current events that I take in is critically important as well. Stay informed but limit exposure to avoid a daily or hourly anxiety attack.  It’s hard to put on a smile and have patience with kids when the news is overwhelmingly negative and all about fear.  How do you stay calm in the midst of a pandemic, and project hope onto your kids?  How do you not let your kids see your fear about paying the bills in the months ahead, watching your wife head to work every day wondering if she is safe, wondering if and when you will go back to work, if and when you will get to see your extended family?  If and when we can host a simple Birthday party, if and when we can plan a family vacation, and on it goes…

The only solution I have found is to try as best I can, to stay in the day. I try to be grateful that for today we are more than okay, and we have more than we need. Just don’t ask me about tomorrow…  

The COVID Dad…Day Two!

Over the past few days, I have had a few people ask me if I was going to resurrect my Dad Blog. Who knew it would take a pandemic and being thrown back into being a stay at home dad to make it happen.  I have failed to anticipate many things as a parent. Now I can add parenting through a global pandemic to the list.   

It's hard to describe what it's been like watching events unfold over the past few months. Perhaps like watching a slow-moving freight train coming at us while being stuck on the train tracks. Of course, alongside us are our children, just 6 and 11.

So now we are on Day two, of the "work from home" edict dropped by our government and thankfully supported by a reasonable and caring employer.   My wife is required to be in her office, at least for now, working in essential government services.  Through it all, we keep repeating the mantra; this is temporary, we will all be okay, this too shall pass.  And then, we turn on the news or open Twitter, and the serenity evaporates, and the anxiety returns.

What do we do? Well, we put one foot in front of the other. We limit our access to TV/Radio news. Yes, we need to be informed, but we need not obsess, and we have to choose our news sources carefully.  Fear-mongering links to unvetted websites and so-called experts deleted forthwith. We came through day two quite well, I only truly lost my shit after the 2^nd trip to the golden arches to pick up the promised junk food lunch, to be told by DD6 that she had changed her mind and no longer liked her choice.  That didn't end well. I did better with all the furniture being rearranged in the basement to make a fort, and the 17 requests for snacks, usually while I was on the phone. 

I did get lulled into a sense of solitude and peace during an extended period of quiet, with DS11 zoned out on his PS4 and a remarkably quiet daughter.  When I finally snapped out of it and asked that dangerous question: "Hey, what are you doing?" I got an interesting answer. "I'm just painting, dad!" Those are four words that will send any dad into a low-grade panic. Fortunately, there was some paper involved, and collateral damage was limited to a $20 coffee table and some bathroom towels. But it serves as a great reminder that kids don't raise themselves, don't supervise themselves, and self-entertainment is risky at best…when you are six!

All these child antics are annoying but manageable, and even amusing at times. But underlying it all is that knot in the stomach that I suspect most parents are experiencing right now. We are in an unprecedented global event. We can't just pack up and move to Costa Rica to get away from this, even if we wanted to. It's everywhere, and there is no running away from it. Not only do we worry about the health of our children and our own health. But we worry about our friends and co-workers. It's an event like this that is a reminder of how many people have underlying health issues, compromised immune systems. We worry about elderly parents. We worry about when it will be safe to visit parents and our kid's grandparents without putting them at risk? Is it a few weeks? A few months? A year? 

How do we plan? Is school canceled for three weeks or until September? How long does "social distancing" last? Will this be over by July? Should we cancel summer vacation plans? We worry about jobs, ours and our friends. We worry about what the economy will look like when we come out the other side. So many questions, so few answers? 

So what do we do? We get up each day and start again. We show up for work, even if that means an office in the basement. We take the dog for a walk. We stop at the playground and challenge the kids on the swings. We chat with neighbours from across the driveway.  And above all, we remember to be grateful, and not just for the unlimited internet….   

My Mom, a force is at rest...

A year ago at this time, I was in Haliburton again, but not for the usual visit. This time it was different, the meeting with the doctors had made it clear, my mom was VERY sick and this time there would be no miracle recovery. It was time to say goodbye. In the morning she would slip away peacefully.  

This day did not come as a total surprise, my Mom had been sick for a very long time, the last 10 years saw a steady decline, after many hospital visits and procedures.  We almost lost her at Sunnybrook after a heart valve replacement went wrong, and it had to be redone. We waited for days to see if she would come back to us…she did but had been weakened.  Several strokes occurred over the years and each time we lost a little more of her. To make matters worse she also was diagnosed with breast cancer and had a mastectomy. It was hard to witness, we truly lost her in installments. We had several close calls, and when I saw my sister's number would come up on my call display my heart would jump. My sister's first words were usually: “everything is okay”,  to quell my fear. But often it wasn’t and there were many hospital visits. Yet in the end, when I looked at her so frail and weak in the hospital bed, knowing full well her quality of life had reached zero, it was still very difficult to let go. 

My memories of her when she was younger made it hard to reconcile the fragile shell of a person she had become by the end. My young mother was a force to be reckoned with… the classic stereotypical strong German woman.  Old age at times is unkind, robbing people of their dignity. My own kids, whom she loved fiercely, never really saw the strong, full of life, person, that I knew as a kid and young man. I’m grateful that they had a relationship, but in some ways, it was very different  than what I had experienced as a kid.

My Mom was not always the easiest person to have around. She was outspoken, strong-willed, stubborn and opinionated.  She was often tough when I thought I needed her to be soft.  Does that sound familiar?  But beyond all that, she was the kindest, most loving, courageous and loyal person I have ever known.  She had a way to bring people together and she knew how to get a party started.  She often seemed to have boundless energy, when the rest of us were exhausted she wanted to go out dancing.  I think of her often when I feel tired and crash on the couch on a Saturday afternoon. I rarely saw my Mother take an afternoon nap before she got sick, she was always in motion.

I read the eulogy I wrote last year again today, and I realize that it’s impossible to sum up a life in a few short paragraphs. It’s impossible to capture a person’s essence in a few pages of text.  I really haven’t felt like writing since she passed away last year. This post has not come easily but I think she would want me to “get moving” again. 

My mom was all about action, and she would not want me to be sitting around in sorrow.  She would want me or us to seize the day. My mom never stopped dreaming of a better future and perhaps that is what got her to be 84 and overcome so many challenges. In her honour, tomorrow I will make sure I dream of a better future for me and my family and I will be grateful for all the things she taught me and the gifts she gave.

I miss you to the moon and back Mom.  

     

Teaching Our kids Positivity in a Negative World

As a kid I distinctly remember the yearly Remembrance Day services at our schools. It was a very solemn and serious occasion. We were taught to respect and treasure our Veterans, for putting their lives on the line so we could live in freedom. My parents, immigrants from Germany, warned of the dangers of Nationalism.  I grew up in the time of the cold war and we were taught about the importance of alliances, of working together, and the value of knocking down borders and walls.

Remember Ronald Reagan, a Republican, and his famous speech given at the Berlin Wall? “Mr. Gorbachev tear down this wall”. We saw that wall come down less than 3 years later. In 1990 I walked through the Brandenburg gate into what had been East Germany.

Here we are today 30+ years later, and we have a new U.S. President that denounces alliances, insults allies and is pushing hard to build new walls.  And now with my young son watching the 100^th anniversary or the end of WW1, I have to answer his question of why the current American President is not attending. How do you explain that to a 10-year-old?  How do I explain it to myself?

We are incredibly fortunate to be living in Canada, arguably the best country in the world to live in 2018. It’s easily one of the top 5 best places to raise a family.  But we are not immune to what ails the world these days.  We can become complacent or arrogant, thinking the politics of hate, division, racism, nationalism won’t come here… but it is here.  We see it with media organizations like Rebel Media, with Mayoral candidates like Faith Goldy, and with Alt Right social media trolls that spread hate and intolerance.  So as a parent how do we sift through this information and teach our children the difference between valid differences of opinion, versus hate and fear mongering?  Is shutting down hate speech, and calling out lies, an attack on freedom of speech?

How do we teach our kids to respect tradition, and to be truthful, when political leaders blatantly lie, repeatedly & brazenly?  And we have political “leaders” that show no respect to tradition, legal processes, or convention. How is it that the supposed leader of the free world could avoid a Remembrance Day ceremony in France, choosing instead to launch insults on Twitter? I guess I was naïve when 3 years ago I didn’t imagine such a thing could be possible.  

We can bury our heads in the sand, but in my backyard, a Mayoral Candidate that has been charged with hate crimes, managed to get over 13% of the vote? Who are these voters? These people? What are they teaching their kids? What are they teaching them about LGBTQ rights? What are they teaching their kids about immigrants, refugees, and Muslims or Jews? These people live in our neighbourhoods. Their kids go to our schools.

I took my son on a road trip to the Ford Museum in Detroit, on display is the bus where Rosa Parks refused to give up her seat, and water fountains from the segregation era marked “whites” and “coloreds”. It was a great teaching opportunity. We would like to think the battles of the 60’s are behind us, then we have white supremacists running for political office in our municipal and provincial elections?!

We teach our kids about love and tolerance, we teach them that colour, race, religion is not about making people more than or less than, or right or wrong.  And than we come home to find hate literature in our mailbox. Some may say that I am over reacting, and this is all much ado about nothing. But I don’t believe that to be the case.  There is an undercurrent of discontent that many political leaders refuse to address, or worse, they feel they can use it to their advantage. But much of that discontent comes from the growing disparity between the very rich and everyone else. It’s time we stopped judging the economy on how well the rich are doing.  Until our “moderate” leadership accept the facts of this discontent and address it, the hate and resentment will continue to grow. 

So…what is the answer? I wish I could see a clear path out of this mess, but I don’t.  What I do know is that when good people stay home on election day and remain quiet in their communities it gives licence to the chaos. We need to find our voices, and our courage to use them with our kids, our families, our neighbours, our schools, and with our politicians.     

What Nobody Told Me 11 Years Ago About Becoming a Dad.

I am the first to admit that I post a lot of family pictures on social media.  We may be that family you hate on Facebook… Plenty of comments, bloopers, and check-in’s with my kids on whatever adventures we may be undertaking.  However, I don’t make a habit of posting the challenging times, when the kids are fighting, not listening, and falling off their bikes.  So, it’s not unusual to get comments from social media friends that they suspect my family is the ultimate parenting experience, just another slice of paradise.  When I hear comments like “You’re such a great parent, you do so much with your kids” I do cringe inside. And must remind people that what they see on Social Media is not an accurate reflection of my families every day life, far from it. In fact, there are days when I wonder how I got into this parenting deal, and I feel totally ill equipped for the journey I am on.  Thank God I have other Dad’s in my life that remind me that I am not alone. They share their similar experiences.  And I often wonder why nobody warned me about what I was getting myself into?  Okay, they probably did, but I wasn’t listening, so I already know where my kids got their listening skills. Those of you who know me, already expect plenty of sarcasm here, and know that I have no regrets in becoming a Dad.  But here are a few things I didn’t know before this parenting adventure started.

1. I knew that parents were often tired. I didn’t know that my sleep patterns that I had enjoyed for 40 years would be changed, apparently forever!  I think “baby monitors” may have been one of the worst inventions ever. I suspect this device did a great job to insure my wife and I never had a full nights’ sleep for the first 2 years of each of our kid’s life.  

As a parent you already develop a keen sense of hearing, that I guess is nature's way to help you be the caregiver you need to be.  Baby makes a peep and the parental radar responds.  The baby monitor exploited that already keen sense by putting that speaker 3 feet from my head in our bedroom.  Now not only would a baby cry wake me, but every crib squeak, cough or heavy breath was amplified. The result being either jumping out of bed to attend, or laying in bed wide awake listening for more evidence of distress, wondering if your partner also heard and might get up this time. And inevitably feeling guilty for not jumping up right away. In hindsight I wonder if the baby monitors are a help or hinderance.  Combine the amplified baby monitor issues, with the normal parenting challenges of kids getting sick, falling out of bed, having nightmares, wetting the bed during potty training, and just knocking on our door at 5 am, asking if it’s “wake up time” yet. The result is the once nightly ritual of a solid uninterrupted 8 hours of sleep is just a distant memory. 

2. I had no idea that having “me time” or some solo space would be so challenging as a parent. Admittedly I was a little late to get into parenting game, with the firstborn arriving on the scene when I was already 41, and the next arriving 6 years later. 

One could argue that I should have been “more ready” as I had enjoyed over 20 years of adulthood to “sow my wild oats” so to speak.  However, as an involved father, the ability to eek out some solo adult time is more challenging than I had expected.  Perhaps the biggest hindrance is me… Who knew that the bond to my kids would be so strong that I want to be apart of so much of what they do.  Who knew that the guilt would be so strong, when saddling my more than capable partner with the full parenting duties, so I can grab a few hours on my bike? Go away for a weekend with the boys? Not for this dad.  Admittedly this has started to improve as my kids have gotten older. My now 10 year old son doesn’t actually want to spend all waking hours with me, he has friends of his own now. And my 4 year old daughter is happy to hang out with Mom.  But I can still be struck with guilt as I sneak quietly out of the back yard with cycling shorts on, bike ready to go, and my son comes busting in, with a “can I come?”   Is "no" an option?

   

3. I do know that I wasn’t the perfect child, but I don’t remember growing up with the daily arguments in our home. I was not prepared to have children that were apparently born knowing everything, or more accurately, believing they know everything.  I remember the old saying: “When I was 14 I couldn’t believe how dumb my dad was, when I was 20 I couldn’t believe how much he had learned in 6 years.”  My question is; do I have to wait 20 years before my kids stop arguing with me about everything?  The arguments are often preceded by the REPETITION of the same request 26 TIMES…such as “brush your teeth” or “eat your dinner” or “flush the toilet!” the common reply of course is “I know!” And “Why are you yelling at me.” And of course with full activation of the victim card. My kid’s teachers tell me my kids are smart, they do well in school. But apparently the ability to remember to flush the toilet, or turn off a light,  is not a measurement of intellect.

4. My wife and I knew that the spontaneity of our social life would take a big hit when we had kids.  

Who knew that baby sitters were so expensive and hard to find? Who knew that having NO extended family nearby would have such an impact. Who knew that planning visits to friends had to work around naptimes and bedtimes?  Who knew that we would be perpetually tired so that “date nights” mean falling asleep in the movie theatre and still being in bed by 10:30pm.

But I can say I really had no understanding of how much our social life, or lack there of, would change. Who knew that despite best efforts it’s

  just too much to stay up to midnight to ring in the New Year?! ZZZZzzzzz.

Undoubtedly, these are all “first world” complaints, and written with tongue planted in cheek.  I can say that on an almost daily basis I am grateful that I don’t have to do the parenting thing alone. I take my hat off to all the single parents out there doing it all on their own, day in and day out.  Any single parent would read this blog with some massive eye rolls I’m sure. (if they had time)   I’m also grateful for all the time, energy and patience my parents bestowed on me when I was a kid, and now do with their grandkids.  And I am grateful for other parenting bloggers and friends that share their experiences with humour and hope.  

Resistance is Essential...

Perhaps since the beginning of time, parents have wanted the world to be a better place for their kids. I know it’s not a new phenomenon for parents to be concerned about the state of the world. However, I have to say my anxiety has certainly ramped up in the past few years. Maybe I spend too much time on social media, and the real world has not really changed that much…but it sure feels different now than it did a short while ago.

I hate to mention his name, because I am so tired of hearing about the latest craziness, day in and day out, since the last American general election.  Unfortunately burying my head in the sand isn’t an option when I have to live in a connected world, AND raise two young kids in this atmosphere. So what’s changed?

I am fully aware that the world was a far from perfect place long before DT became the so called leader of the free world. But we seem to have entered a new era where a backlash against progress is gaining momentum, and people seem to now feel free to openly show their racism, sexism and intolerance.  Hate is no longer something to keep hidden, but should be celebrated and shouted from the streets, and of course on Twitter, and the on line comments section of every Main Stream Media site.   Not everyone is open about their hatred, the Internet has created many “keyboard warriors” that can spout hate from the anonymous safety of their basements and living rooms.  But there sure is a plethora of it out there these days…in our face every day.

I guess I was naive to think that things were getting better, and that my daughter would have it easier than my mother or her mother in our society.  We go back to 1921 in Canada, 1920 in the U.S.  when some women were given the right to vote, and the first female M.P. was elected… you would think that in almost 100 years this would be accepted as a norm. Not if you’re Richard Spencer, a white supremacist, who not only is a racist, but not surprisingly doesn’t believe women should have the right to vote either. He believes America is for White Men period. This guy was left to the fringe before Trump, but now is being “normalized” by the mainstream media as the current U.S. administration legitimises the fringe haters.    

I grew up in a time where our leaders, not without their flaws, took the higher road and challenged us to be better, challenged the ignorance, brought education to counter fear of the new and the different.  It was a time where borders and walls were things we worked to tear down, not to build new ones.  A Republican President even offered a challenge to his cold war counter- part to “tear down this wall”. And it did come down.  Now we have Brexit in Britain, and POTUS promising to build a wall along the Mexican border, and tearing up international trade agreements.  We now have leaders openly challenging scientific theory with convenient opinions and conspiracy theories.  So called “leaders” are now dismissing education and the educated as “elitists”.  So apparently it’s now a bad thing to educate oneself with recognised methodology.  Are we really going down the “facts don’t matter” road?  We shouldn’t be too smug in Canada, Toronto had its’ own taste of it with Rob Ford and Ezra Levant. The modus operandi of this ilk, is that the message need not be true, but if repeated often enough with conviction it would get normalised and treated as an “alternative fact”.  Which of course is total bull shit, but the media has repeatedly fallen for this trap.  Giving Alex Jones and Steve Bannon free prime time air time to spout their agendas is proof of the media’s abandonment of journalistic principles.

I took my young son to Detroit last summer and in the Henry Ford Museum I was able to talk to him about segregation and human rights, showing him the bus Rosa Parks made famous, and water fountains marked clearly for “whites” and “coloureds”. I was able to explain to him that the struggles and protests were not about bus seats or fountains, but the right to be treated equally.  But today POTUS challenges people’s right to protest peacefully as unpatriotic and treasonous, unless you are a white supremacist.

We see the movie industry reeling from the bad publicity that Harvey Weinstein abused his power for decades, exploiting and sexually abusing young women.  For decades it was covered up and tolerated by many. Weinstein was not alone, nor is the movie industry. Excuses abound, and the comment sections abound with belligerent messages blaming the victims, rather than the actual perpetrators.  But then again, the current U.S. President was caught on audio tape admitting to the same behaviour and he went on to be elected to the highest office in the country. His chief opponent was a woman, who faced incredible intimidation and misogyny throughout the lengthy campaign and beyond.  How do I explain that to my daughter?   

I find it very sad that women today feel the need to post #MeToo and share their stories, for fear of sliding further backwards.  I find it troubling that my black friends are distrusting of our police, and are harassed for being of colour while driving “nice” cars.  I find it troubling that my friends of various religions, feel increasingly vulnerable and segregated.  The Quebec “Burka Ban” is a clear example of pandering to fear and ignorance, instead of providing true leadership and education.

So as a parent, and largely a part of the silent decent majority (I hope), I am finding I can no longer just sit quietly when the hate and ignorance erupts around me. My kids are watching…and if there is ever a need for “modelling behaviour” as a parent, it’s now. For example it happened this summer at the sidelines of my kids soccer practise, where 1 parent began with the hate talk against immigrants and refugees followed by some clearly racist remarks. In the past I likely would have remained silent. I would not get involved as this was rare right? Well now I believe this behaviour and attitude must be challenged.  I spoke up and pointed out that I was the product of immigrants, as are most Canadians. I also pointed out “facts” about where crime etc., actually originated. I wasn’t angry but I was firm and unwavering, and after I spoke up, others joined in to support me. That parent was not seen for the remainder of the summer practises.

 Apparently the haters have found their platforms, along with some high profile supporters and have some wind in their sails. But all is not lost. At one level this glut of hate may pay off in the long run, at least now much of the hate and ignorance has been exposed. We now know the scope of the work ahead. If we can challenge the lies, educate those around them, do the next right thing and VOTE… we have a fighting chance.               

The Truth About Immigrants & Refugees!

In case you are wondering…I am a Canadian but born to immigrants. If you think immigrants and refugees are to blame for the ills of the world, I suggest you find a different blog to read.  Yes, I was born in Toronto 50 years ago but my Parents came here from Berlin Germany…as immigrants.

The recent events south of the border with the newly elected administration that thrives on #AlternativeFacts is sobering. Now with the horrific shooting at a Mosque in Quebec, I am reminded of the ever present undercurrent of ignorance, racism and just plain old fashioned hate that is present in our society. This negative undercurrent has been encouraged and is rapidly being “normalized” making it more important than ever for the rest of us to speak our truth. I have grown tired of the internet trolls and alt right political activists inciting hate toward the most vulnerable in our world, refugees of war and immigrants. It’s time to share the truth about what these people have contributed to this country…and it’s not terrorism.  It’s also not bloated welfare rolls or burdens on the Employment Insurance system…despite what some viral emails and Facebook posts may proclaim.

I was at a funeral last week for a good man, he was a business owner, a tradesmen, a father, husband, grandfather, uncle or to some of us an “Onkel” and a very proud Canadian. BTW he was also an immigrant.  During the eulogy his daughter mentioned his arrival in Canada in the 1950’s and his intention of living the “Canadian experience”.  And for the next 60+ years he did just that. I was lucky enough to know this man; he was a big part of my youth.  He was my Dad’s oldest and best friend and his neighbour for many of those 60 years.

They shared much in common, they married strong German women. They both had immigrated from a war torn Germany, had seen far more human cruelty and horror than any young person should endure. Both came to this country to leave behind the horror and wreckage of war, to start again in a new land that promised opportunity and freedom.  

As many may know Berlin was bombed heavily by the allies. My mother as a youngster was evacuated from Berlin to be sheltered from the bombing; my great grandmother was detained by the Nazis for refusing to say Heil Hitler on the streets of Berlin.  My Father was just 16 as the war came to end and had just received his draft papers in the mail. My Grandfather put them back in the mailbox with “addressee unknown” to buy some time. He had already lost one son to the war.  My father had already been captured by the Russian army as a civilian and had escaped while being sent to Russia. He doesn’t like talking about this time, but has shared some bone chilling memories of hiding from Russian soldiers and watching while they torched a town, and witnessed many other atrocities of an invading army. Sights no 15 year old should see.

My father’s parents were from East Berlin, the Russian controlled post war sector that would be eventually be part of Communist East Germany.  My family chose to abandon the family home in the East in favour of living in the democratic west.  They experienced first-hand what it was like to have a city, a people, and a country divided by a wall. This wall stood for decades, separating families and a nation. 

My parents were married in January of 1957 and a few short weeks boarded a ship destined for Canada. Why did they leave? They left a country that had been physically decimated by war, demoralized and divided by the cold war.  Berlin was in the epicenter of the Cold War.  After a week+  at sea they landed at Pier 21 in Halifax.  From Halifax they travelled by train to Toronto. They had a few suitcases and perhaps a few hundred dollars…and great hope to start a new life in a country free of war.  They also arrived in a country that 12 years before had been at war with Germany, but still Canada opened its’ doors to Germans to emigrate. In fact the Canadian gov’t recruited Germans, as they had the foresight to know that the German people were hard working, educated and skilled labourers.  A young country like Canada needed a workforce to grow to its potential. A people that a dozen years before had been the enemy were now being welcomed to come…and stay. My parents came and stayed. They found work, became Canadian citizens, never missed an election, started a business. It’s been 60 years now and the family has grown. They had 2 children and now have 4 grandchildren, and will soon have a great grandchild.

I am one of those children. Born in Scarborough but raised in small town Ontario.  My parents decided to leave Toronto in 1969, opting for country life in Haliburton.  Two families that had become friends in Toronto, both with similar stories moved to Haliburton together and were the only immigrants of German decent to choose to live in Haliburton.  And in true Canadian fashion they were accepted and in due course they too became ‘locals’. 

I don’t want to imply that this story is all sunshine and lollipops. Of course there were bumps on the road. Difficult economic times, feelings of not belonging are part of the story. But with perseverance the negative experiences were overcome.  At times we pretend that Canada is free of prejudice and hate, that everyone here gets treated fairly with equal opportunities. That of course is not true. We have our blemishes and faults.  I know that the kids of Syrian refugees will be subjected to racist and ignorant comments from their peers and may experience it as adults as well. We have work to do here…  I grew up in the 1970’s and 80’s and there were times on the playground that I was called a “Nazi” or “the enemy” and I know these comments didn’t originate with the kids, but with what they overheard at the dinner table. Kids are not born hating, it’s learned.  Fortunately in my case those comments were not the norm and I grew up feeling like I belonged here. I also had the “advantage’ of being white and of Christian descent so could blend in more easily.

So what did I hear at our dinner table as a kid?  There was and is plenty of political talk. I was told of the dangers of extreme Nationalism. I was told that the complacency of the electorate could lead to nasty consequences. I was told that war was a horrifying experience and that perhaps if politicians had to go to the front lines perhaps they would find ways to work out differences peacefully. I was told that isolationism lead to ignorance and intolerance, and that a free and accessible education system was the ticket for the lower classes to succeed. I was told not to accept things at face value and to look a little deeper for facts and then make up my own mind.  All those lessons have served me well, and I hope to pass them on to my kids. And I will teach my kids to be proud that their Grandparents were immigrants.

So once again I ask, let’s put the hate to bed. Get to know your neighbours no matter what their colour, race or religion might be. Put out your hand in friendship. They will value your friendship while they’re working hard… so their kids have it better than they did…