Why We Will Always Have a Dog!

As first published on BabyPost.com

We have a dog…we are not sure if the dog knows she is a dog,  but she clearly is a big goofy 11 year old black Labrador Retriever.  We also have 2 kids, almost 2 and 7 years of age. Yes, we are the poster family for a minivan.  Should you get a dog? I don’t know the answer to that, but for us it’s been a great ride.  

It was the summer of 2005 when I got an email at work, with the picture of a 3 month old Labrador puppy and the heading ‘Looking for a good home”.   My wife and I had been contemplating getting a dog and starting a family was also on the horizon, we just weren’t sure what order they would arrive.  The email proved to be life changing. We went that night to meet “Bella”, we pretty much knew that unless something highly unusual occurred we were likely coming home with a puppy.  We are both dog people, Lisa grew up with the small dog breeds, I grew up with bigger dogs including Labradors and German Shepherds.  Because of my experience with the bigger breeds, my wife asked me “Are Labradors affectionate?”  A good question considering we were hopeful to add kids to our family very soon.  The answer to the question came easily, and if you have never met a Labrador, yes they are quite affectionate.

Bella came home with us that evening, and our lives have never been the same since.  If you have seen the movie “Marley and Me” you may have an idea what it’s like to have a crazy, loveable, high energy dog move in with you.   Bella’s tail has more strength than a bionic limb; it rarely rests, and is the perfect height to clear off most coffee tables.  No coffee cup, vase, or magazine is safe.   She quickly learned basic English…the mere mention of the W-A-L-K word resulted in excitement overload.   Shoes were chewed, leather gloves were shredded, and floors were peed on.  We knew that Labs tended to be excitable and slower to grow up than other breeds, but Bella took this to the max.  Despite the antics Bella quickly became a part of the family and her unique personality was revealed. Along with her exuberance was incredible loyalty and affection. This dog loved her people and could be found anywhere we were, at the cottage, swimming in the lake, walking in the parks, and sleeping in the bed.

I would be lying to suggest the thought didn’t cross my mind on whether this dog would be suitable for a family with babies and toddlers. Our concern was not about a mean temperament, or biting. But would her hyper behaviour send toddlers flying across the room?  Would her very strong bond with us result in jealous behaviour?  We weren’t sure… we also didn’t want to think about what we would do if she didn’t react well to the arrival of kids.

I grew up with animals, I believe I was 3 and my sister 10 when my parents caved in to the requests for a puppy, and we had a steady stream of dogs, cats, and even a pony throughout my childhood and adolescence.  I know there are those that feel it’s irresponsible to have pets with young children. But given my experience I think the advantages far outweigh the challenges…and there are challenges.

I can’t speak for my parents but from a kid’s point of view, it just seemed second nature to have a dog.  As a young boy they provided great companionship when there were no other kids around.  They provided a heated pillow while lying on the rec room floor watching tv. They taught me to care for other living creatures. I learned that while dogs were different than me, could not talk, they clearly were capable of being hurt, being loved and loving, as well as communicating in different ways.  And they introduced me to the concept of loyalty, no matter what stupid juvenile stunts I pulled, the family dog always stood by me, even when my Mom wasn’t speaking to me.

 Now all those years later, roles reversed and acting as parent, we had Bella. And sure enough the first kid did arrive when Bella was emerging from her puppy years as a 3 year old.  The shoe chewing had stopped, but her sheer enthusiasm for just being alive had not waned.   In 3 years we had never seen any anger or aggression in her temperament. 

In July of 2008 our son arrived. Before we brought him home we let Bella smell one of his blankets so the scent would be familiar.  Bella eagerly greeted us when we brought our boy home, the nose sniffing and tail wagging in high gear. I held her tightly by the collar and let her inspect our new bundle. Her excitement was clear but she seemed to understand that this package was special with some fragility and she settled down.   She quickly adapted to the routine of having another little human in the house, and was quite happy to have company during the day now with Lisa and the baby home on parental leave. It was not long before she recognized the crying baby and if we didn’t react soon enough she would get our attention and stare at us intently with a “aren’t you going to do something” look. And almost 8 years later I can say we still have not witnessed any aggression.  Our second child arrived a year ago with Bella as a “senior citizen”. She quickly adopted this new toddler as one of her people and her same loyal, patient, gentleness continues.    

Now we are not from the school of thought that dogs and toddlers should be together without supervision or boundaries.  In many ways we were more concerned about the dog getting hurt than the toddlers. Kids don’t have great judgement and don’t know their own strength. So we have done our best to protect Bella from ear pulls, fingers in the eyes…and other areas. We try to always insure Bella has a way to escape, never feeling trapped.  For the most part we have been successful.  But a great dog means they are prepared for the worst, those moments when we don’t run interference quick enough.

Bella is the ultimate good sport. Over the years she has willing submitted to having her toe nails painted green,  a toddler eating her kibble, being sprayed with the hose, being puked on, and her tail scotch taped, to name just a few interactions.  To date this dog has accepted this with grace, at most a belly grumble or sigh, never aggression.  

Our son is 7 now, and he has become a great dog lover and is showing his little sister how to be gentle with this furry member of our family.  Perhaps the lack of allergies and strong immune system are also thanks to the constant companionship of our Bella.

I won’t say there have been no regrets or second thoughts, there have been a few.  If you are seriously thinking of adding a dog to your family there are a few things you should know.  It’s not always easy…and your life will change. In some ways a dog is a tougher commitment than a child.  Not everywhere you visit welcomes a dog.  Not every hotel welcomes a dog.  Not every family member likes a dog. Working late is tougher when you have a dog.  Going on vacation gets more complicated with a dog.  Selling a house gets more complicated when you have a dog. Buying a vehicle has more limitations when you have a big dog.  Vets are expensive if and when the dog gets sick. Dogs shed and track in dirt. Dogs need to get outside and need exercise everyday rain or shine.  And unlike kids, dogs don’t grow up, they remain dependent on you for their entire lives, and that life can be long. 

But if none of that scares you off, than buckle up, you are in for a great ride!  You will be welcomed home enthusiastically EVERY DAY, no matter how big of a jerk you have been. You will witness heartwarming interactions with your kids and you will experience unconditional love at its purest.    

When Dad Goes Back to Work

As first published on BabyPost.com

 

It’s Monday, the kids were up at 6:45, getting breakfast into them only required 17 reminders to “sit down and finish your toast”.  We made it to daycare and school drop offs on time and nothing was forgotten, mitts, hats, lunch, backpacks successfully delivered.  The commute to the office was 45 minutes, I’ve had worse.  The coffee shop even got my coffee right…  Than the dreaded phone call from Daycare came at 11:30am, just as I got off the phone with a client.  The daycare never calls to tell you everything is wonderful, today was no exception. My daughter had a fever of 103F.  Were laptops invented by parents for parents? So we can pack up an office in 10 minutes, rescue a kid, and be able to start up again at home, a few hours later?

Now if this were a “one off” incident it wouldn’t rent much space in my head. But anybody that ever put a Toddler into daycare knows that is not the case. We’re now a few months into the daycare experience with my 20 month old daughter, and the place is an incubator for every cold and flu bug that ever graced the planet.  My wife perhaps jinxed us this morning with the glib comment; “wow we went a whole week without a sick day!”   The 7 day record was not to be extended to week 2…

The drive from the office to get home to look after an ailing toddler leaves ample time for the parental guilt to show itself. The monologue starts with; if I had not gone back to work this Fall she wouldn’t be sick…she wasn’t sick the entire 9 months I was off with her.  Why are we paying what’s equivalent to a second mortgage payment for daycare when it seems she is home sick more than at daycare?  Is my employer going to think I’m making this stuff up? Who gets sick this often?  Maybe she is not cut out for daycare?  And so the conversation with me continues for the duration of the drive.

I know I’m not the first parent that struggles with the decision to go back to work and put the kids in daycare.  My wife took on this challenge with our first child, who’s now in Grade 2, and for the record has a bullet proof immune system, after surviving daycare from the age of 11 months.  I cannot recall speaking with any parent in my circles that found going back to work, after a parental leave, easy. So why do we do it? I wish the answer was clear cut.

I wonder if the answer is clear cut for Mark Zuckerberg, founder of Facebook, who has made some headlines by announcing he will take a whopping 2 months of Paternity leave when his daughter is born.  I have to restrain myself to avoid being too judgemental (and sarcastic) about somebody’s decision to take an 8 week leave from work, when they have more money and resources than some small countries. I should not be questioning his motivation; I trust it’s for the right reason. I do question some of the media pundits that seem to think this is some great example for the average family man. While it might make a positive statement, yes men should step up and take some time to be stay at home parents, in most other aspects it is not in the least representative of what 99% of working parent’s experience.  It would be nice if economics didn’t factor into the decision around going back to work or being a stay at home parent.  However the reality for many, if not the majority of families is that 2 incomes are a requirement not a luxury. I also realize that some will say it’s still our choice, and that’s true, but it’s not a choice without consequences.

From my experience, or better yet our experience, my wife and I together debated long and hard about if and how it would look if one of us decided to stay home indefinitely.  The benefits for family life are numerous.  There is value in being at your kid’s school every morning and every afternoon, to see his teacher face to face and meet his friends.  The time to stop at the playground on the walk home, and then still having ample time to tackle homework before dinner is great.  Being able to attend school assemblies, Christmas pageants, dentist appointments, sports tournaments without feeling guilty about taking time off work is terrific.  Having the flexibility to take the kids to the beach on ANY summer afternoon is hard to beat.   Not having to scramble for a babysitter when there is a snow day is a relief.

But as with most good things, it would come at a price. In our case it would have required some serious financial sacrifices.  While we don’t live in a palace, we would have had to look at selling our bungalow and moving to condo or townhouse further out of the city. Going down to one car would likely also have been required and probably some kind of part time weekend work for one of us would still have been required to make ends meet.  Another consideration is the career sacrifice that would happen with a decision not to return to work.  Every month or year away from the working world the less attractive and competitive I would be to a future employer. Good jobs and good employers are not easy to find. A decision to walk away from a decade of hard work and good will with a company does not come lightly.      

 In my case I was fortunate to have the opportunity to be a Stay at Home Dad for over 9 months with my daughter and 7 year old son.  It was an experience that I won’t soon forget it. I believe it changed me, for the better.  I admit that in the first few days I wondered how I would fill the days, especially in the depths of winter. But the time flew by.  Raising a family is great time filler!  Perhaps that is what I will miss the most, now that I am back at work…just having more time.  It became less of a chore to cut the grass and maintain the pool, clean the cars, making dinner, keep the flowers and tomatoes from dying, walking the dog, helping with homework, and lying on the grass goofing around with the kids.  NOT rushing ALL the time was sweet.

Even with today’s events I realize I’m one of the lucky ones.  In Canada we are fortunate to have Employment insurance and labour laws that grant parents generous time off for parental leave. Yes it was a pay cut, yes it required some sacrifice, but it was doable. I like the Scandinavian model of 1 year off for each parent consecutively. But we need only look to our neighbours to the south where many parents go back to work within a few weeks after giving birth, to appreciate our social system.

 I am fortunate to have an employer that I could confide in about our adoption journey, long before I knew it would be successful.  The gang at Protection Plus were firmly behind me in my decision to be the Stay at Home Dad, even though it was also tough for them to fill the hole I suddenly left behind.  There are benefits to working with people that understand the commitments of Family must be balanced with loyalty to the job, and we don’t get it right every day… 

In fairness and honesty I have to also say that going back to work also has benefits.  There is something to be said for having “adult conversations” between 9am and 5pm.  When your daytime companions are 4 feet and 2 feet tall, the conversations are often not the most intellectually stimulating.  There is also the energy that comes with engaging in business, going after the sale, learning about new technology, it challenges and refreshes the mind. Absence does make the heart grow fonder, I am happy to see my family at the end of the work day. The money doesn’t hurt either!  Now if we could just do something about the guilt….

By all accounts it was an awesome summer for our family. It was the first time I was home with a seven-year-old boy and an eighteen-month-old toddler. I was a little apprehensive at first about whether I could keep them both occupied while maintaining my sanity. However, our days were incredibly busy as we jammed in as much activity we could. I’m thankful we had mostly sunny days allowing for plenty of outdoor activity.
The weeks flew by! Now fall is well and truly upon us, and the seven-year-old is back to school… so what’s changed here?
My top ten list is below!
1. I’m not finding wet bathing suits and boys underwear left randomly throughout the backyard.
2. Footwear; the seven-year-old is complaining about having to wear socks and real shoes. Crocs and bare feet don’t cut it at school!
3. Ketchup consumption has dropped by about 80%, as the daily grilled cheese sandwiches for lunch with seven times more ketchup then he needs have been reduce to a more manageable twice a week.
4. I now only have to ask the magic question “Did you flush the toilet?” three times a day.
5. Bike rides are a lot quieter during the school year. Only my son can continue to ask questions non-stop while pedaling uphill at a 40 degree incline in 37C heat… expecting immediate answers!
6. The daily inquiry about whether we are driving or walking to school is back. The seven-year-old prefers to drive.
7. The dog is much more rested, not having to fight for space on the couch or play for hours on end in the back yard.
8. When I pick up the iPad, the battery still has a charge in it and the screen isn’t sticky to the touch from Dorito snacks.
9.  It is possible to walk the length of the house barefoot without sustaining debilitating injuries from stepping on Legos that fell off my son’s latest creation.
10. I haven’t had to explain (for the 47^th time) why he has to do school work when school’s out for the summer. Now that school’s back in session, school work is just a given!
In all seriousness, I’m sad summer vacation has come to a close; our days are getting shorter and the weather is definitely getting colder. I don’t know if my kids will remember summer 2015, but I certainly will!
The obsession with work and the need for two incomes for most of us to make ends meet is having an impact on Canadian families. I’m grateful that this year I was able to spend unrushed quality time with my family. We often go to great lengths and expense to give our kids presents, but in reality giving them our presence is the best gift of all.
I don’t remember much about the stuff I had as a kid, but I vividly remember the time I spent with my Dad. I was lucky enough that my Dad’s job enabled him to have me around a lot… and he was! This summer I was able to pay some of that quality time forward.
I am grateful for the opportunity.
- See more at: http://www.babypost.com/parents/parenting/ten-fall-changes-every-stay-home-parent-appreciates#sthash.zh1FdOHu.dpuf

By all accounts it was an awesome summer for our family. It was the first time I was home with a seven-year-old boy and an eighteen-month-old toddler. I was a little apprehensive at first about whether I could keep them both occupied while maintaining my sanity. However, our days were incredibly busy as we jammed in as much activity we could. I’m thankful we had mostly sunny days allowing for plenty of outdoor activity.
The weeks flew by! Now fall is well and truly upon us, and the seven-year-old is back to school… so what’s changed here?
My top ten list is below!
1. I’m not finding wet bathing suits and boys underwear left randomly throughout the backyard.
2. Footwear; the seven-year-old is complaining about having to wear socks and real shoes. Crocs and bare feet don’t cut it at school!
3. Ketchup consumption has dropped by about 80%, as the daily grilled cheese sandwiches for lunch with seven times more ketchup then he needs have been reduce to a more manageable twice a week.
4. I now only have to ask the magic question “Did you flush the toilet?” three times a day.
5. Bike rides are a lot quieter during the school year. Only my son can continue to ask questions non-stop while pedaling uphill at a 40 degree incline in 37C heat… expecting immediate answers!
6. The daily inquiry about whether we are driving or walking to school is back. The seven-year-old prefers to drive.
7. The dog is much more rested, not having to fight for space on the couch or play for hours on end in the back yard.
8. When I pick up the iPad, the battery still has a charge in it and the screen isn’t sticky to the touch from Dorito snacks.
9.  It is possible to walk the length of the house barefoot without sustaining debilitating injuries from stepping on Legos that fell off my son’s latest creation.
10. I haven’t had to explain (for the 47^th time) why he has to do school work when school’s out for the summer. Now that school’s back in session, school work is just a given!
In all seriousness, I’m sad summer vacation has come to a close; our days are getting shorter and the weather is definitely getting colder. I don’t know if my kids will remember summer 2015, but I certainly will!
The obsession with work and the need for two incomes for most of us to make ends meet is having an impact on Canadian families. I’m grateful that this year I was able to spend unrushed quality time with my family. We often go to great lengths and expense to give our kids presents, but in reality giving them our presence is the best gift of all.
I don’t remember much about the stuff I had as a kid, but I vividly remember the time I spent with my Dad. I was lucky enough that my Dad’s job enabled him to have me around a lot… and he was! This summer I was able to pay some of that quality time forward.
I am grateful for the opportunity.
- See more at: http://www.babypost.com/parents/parenting/ten-fall-changes-every-stay-home-parent-appreciates#sthash.zh1FdOHu.dpuf

By all accounts it was an awesome summer for our family. It was the first time I was home with a seven-year-old boy and an eighteen-month-old toddler. I was a little apprehensive at first about whether I could keep them both occupied while maintaining my sanity. However, our days were incredibly busy as we jammed in as much activity we could. I’m thankful we had mostly sunny days allowing for plenty of outdoor activity.
The weeks flew by! Now fall is well and truly upon us, and the seven-year-old is back to school… so what’s changed here?
My top ten list is below!
1. I’m not finding wet bathing suits and boys underwear left randomly throughout the backyard.
2. Footwear; the seven-year-old is complaining about having to wear socks and real shoes. Crocs and bare feet don’t cut it at school!
3. Ketchup consumption has dropped by about 80%, as the daily grilled cheese sandwiches for lunch with seven times more ketchup then he needs have been reduce to a more manageable twice a week.
4. I now only have to ask the magic question “Did you flush the toilet?” three times a day.
5. Bike rides are a lot quieter during the school year. Only my son can continue to ask questions non-stop while pedaling uphill at a 40 degree incline in 37C heat… expecting immediate answers!
6. The daily inquiry about whether we are driving or walking to school is back. The seven-year-old prefers to drive.
7. The dog is much more rested, not having to fight for space on the couch or play for hours on end in the back yard.
8. When I pick up the iPad, the battery still has a charge in it and the screen isn’t sticky to the touch from Dorito snacks.
9.  It is possible to walk the length of the house barefoot without sustaining debilitating injuries from stepping on Legos that fell off my son’s latest creation.
10. I haven’t had to explain (for the 47^th time) why he has to do school work when school’s out for the summer. Now that school’s back in session, school work is just a given!
In all seriousness, I’m sad summer vacation has come to a close; our days are getting shorter and the weather is definitely getting colder. I don’t know if my kids will remember summer 2015, but I certainly will!
The obsession with work and the need for two incomes for most of us to make ends meet is having an impact on Canadian families. I’m grateful that this year I was able to spend unrushed quality time with my family. We often go to great lengths and expense to give our kids presents, but in reality giving them our presence is the best gift of all.
I don’t remember much about the stuff I had as a kid, but I vividly remember the time I spent with my Dad. I was lucky enough that my Dad’s job enabled him to have me around a lot… and he was! This summer I was able to pay some of that quality time forward.
I am grateful for the opportunity.
- See more at: http://www.babypost.com/parents/parenting/ten-fall-changes-every-stay-home-parent-appreciates#sthash.zh1FdOHu.dpuf