As first published on BabyPost.com
It’s
Monday, the kids were up at 6:45, getting breakfast into them only required 17
reminders to “sit down and finish your toast”.
We made it to daycare and school drop offs on time and nothing was
forgotten, mitts, hats, lunch, backpacks successfully delivered. The commute to the office was 45 minutes, I’ve
had worse. The coffee shop even got my
coffee right… Than the dreaded phone
call from Daycare came at 11:30am, just as I got off the phone with a
client. The daycare never calls to tell
you everything is wonderful, today was no exception. My daughter had a fever of
103F. Were laptops invented by parents
for parents? So we can pack up an office in 10 minutes, rescue a kid, and be
able to start up again at home, a few hours later?
Now if
this were a “one off” incident it wouldn’t rent much space in my head. But
anybody that ever put a Toddler into daycare knows that is not the case. We’re
now a few months into the daycare experience with my 20 month old daughter, and
the place is an incubator for every cold and flu bug that ever graced the
planet. My wife perhaps jinxed us this
morning with the glib comment; “wow we went a whole week without a sick
day!” The 7 day record was not to be
extended to week 2…
The
drive from the office to get home to look after an ailing toddler leaves ample
time for the parental guilt to show itself. The monologue starts with; if I had
not gone back to work this Fall she wouldn’t be sick…she wasn’t sick the entire
9 months I was off with her. Why are we
paying what’s equivalent to a second mortgage payment for daycare when it seems
she is home sick more than at daycare?
Is my employer going to think I’m making this stuff up? Who gets sick
this often? Maybe she is not cut out for
daycare? And so the conversation with me
continues for the duration of the drive.
I know
I’m not the first parent that struggles with the decision to go back to work
and put the kids in daycare. My wife
took on this challenge with our first child, who’s now in Grade 2, and for the
record has a bullet proof immune system, after surviving daycare from the age
of 11 months. I cannot recall speaking
with any parent in my circles that found going back to work, after a parental
leave, easy. So why do we do it? I wish the answer was clear cut.
I wonder
if the answer is clear cut for Mark Zuckerberg, founder of Facebook, who has
made some headlines by announcing he will take a whopping 2 months of Paternity
leave when his daughter is born. I have
to restrain myself to avoid being too judgemental (and sarcastic) about
somebody’s decision to take an 8 week leave from work, when they have more
money and resources than some small countries. I should not be questioning his motivation;
I trust it’s for the right reason. I do question some of the media pundits that
seem to think this is some great example for the average family man. While it
might make a positive statement, yes men should step up and take some time to be
stay at home parents, in most other aspects it is not in the least
representative of what 99% of working parent’s experience. It would be nice if economics didn’t factor
into the decision around going back to work or being a stay at home
parent. However the reality for many, if
not the majority of families is that 2 incomes are a requirement not a luxury.
I also realize that some will say it’s still our choice, and that’s true, but
it’s not a choice without consequences.
From my
experience, or better yet our experience, my wife and I together debated long
and hard about if and how it would look if one of us decided to stay home
indefinitely. The benefits for family
life are numerous. There is value in
being at your kid’s school every morning and every afternoon, to see his
teacher face to face and meet his friends.
The time to stop at the playground on the walk home, and then still
having ample time to tackle homework before dinner is great. Being able to attend school assemblies,
Christmas pageants, dentist appointments, sports tournaments without feeling
guilty about taking time off work is terrific.
Having the flexibility to take the kids to the beach on ANY summer
afternoon is hard to beat. Not having
to scramble for a babysitter when there is a snow day is a relief.
But as
with most good things, it would come at a price. In our case it would have
required some serious financial sacrifices.
While we don’t live in a palace, we would have had to look at selling
our bungalow and moving to condo or townhouse further out of the city. Going
down to one car would likely also have been required and probably some kind of
part time weekend work for one of us would still have been required to make
ends meet. Another consideration is the
career sacrifice that would happen with a decision not to return to work. Every month or year away from the working
world the less attractive and competitive I would be to a future employer. Good
jobs and good employers are not easy to find. A decision to walk away from a
decade of hard work and good will with a company does not come lightly.
In my case I was fortunate to have the
opportunity to be a Stay at Home Dad for over 9 months with my daughter and 7
year old son. It was an experience that
I won’t soon forget it. I believe it changed me, for the better. I admit that in the first few days I wondered
how I would fill the days, especially in the depths of winter. But the time
flew by. Raising a family is great time
filler! Perhaps that is what I will miss
the most, now that I am back at work…just having more time. It became less of a chore to cut the grass
and maintain the pool, clean the cars, making dinner, keep the flowers and
tomatoes from dying, walking the dog, helping with homework, and lying on the
grass goofing around with the kids. NOT
rushing ALL the time was sweet.
Even
with today’s events I realize I’m one of the lucky ones. In Canada we are fortunate to have Employment
insurance and labour laws that grant parents generous time off for parental
leave. Yes it was a pay cut, yes it required some sacrifice, but it was doable.
I like the Scandinavian model of 1 year off for each parent consecutively. But
we need only look to our neighbours to the south where many parents go back to
work within a few weeks after giving birth, to appreciate our social system.
I am fortunate to have an employer that I
could confide in about our adoption journey, long before I knew it would be
successful. The gang at Protection Plus
were firmly behind me in my decision to be the Stay at Home Dad, even though it
was also tough for them to fill the hole I suddenly left behind. There are benefits to working with people
that understand the commitments of Family must be balanced with loyalty to the
job, and we don’t get it right every day…
In
fairness and honesty I have to also say that going back to work also has
benefits. There is something to be said
for having “adult conversations” between 9am and 5pm. When your daytime companions are 4 feet and 2
feet tall, the conversations are often not the most intellectually
stimulating. There is also the energy
that comes with engaging in business, going after the sale, learning about new
technology, it challenges and refreshes the mind. Absence does make the heart
grow fonder, I am happy to see my family at the end of the work day. The money
doesn’t hurt either! Now if we could
just do something about the guilt….
By
all accounts it was an awesome summer for our family. It was the first
time I was home with a seven-year-old boy and an eighteen-month-old
toddler. I was a little apprehensive at first about whether I could keep
them both occupied while maintaining my sanity. However, our days were
incredibly busy as we jammed in as much activity we could. I’m thankful
we had mostly sunny days allowing for plenty of outdoor activity.
The weeks flew by! Now fall is well and truly upon us, and the seven-year-old is back to school… so what’s changed here?
My top ten list is below!
1. I’m not finding wet bathing suits and boys underwear left randomly throughout the backyard.
2. Footwear; the seven-year-old is complaining about having to wear socks and real shoes. Crocs and bare feet don’t cut it at school!
3. Ketchup consumption has dropped by about 80%, as the daily grilled cheese sandwiches for lunch with seven times more ketchup then he needs have been reduce to a more manageable twice a week.
4. I now only have to ask the magic question “Did you flush the toilet?” three times a day.
5. Bike rides are a lot quieter during the school year. Only my son can continue to ask questions non-stop while pedaling uphill at a 40 degree incline in 37C heat… expecting immediate answers!
6. The daily inquiry about whether we are driving or walking to school is back. The seven-year-old prefers to drive.
7. The dog is much more rested, not having to fight for space on the couch or play for hours on end in the back yard.
8. When I pick up the iPad, the battery still has a charge in it and the screen isn’t sticky to the touch from Dorito snacks.
9. It is possible to walk the length of the house barefoot without sustaining debilitating injuries from stepping on Legos that fell off my son’s latest creation.
10. I haven’t had to explain (for the 47th time) why he has to do school work when school’s out for the summer. Now that school’s back in session, school work is just a given!
In all seriousness, I’m sad summer vacation has come to a close; our days are getting shorter and the weather is definitely getting colder. I don’t know if my kids will remember summer 2015, but I certainly will!
The obsession with work and the need for two incomes for most of us to make ends meet is having an impact on Canadian families. I’m grateful that this year I was able to spend unrushed quality time with my family. We often go to great lengths and expense to give our kids presents, but in reality giving them our presence is the best gift of all.
I don’t remember much about the stuff I had as a kid, but I vividly remember the time I spent with my Dad. I was lucky enough that my Dad’s job enabled him to have me around a lot… and he was! This summer I was able to pay some of that quality time forward.
I am grateful for the opportunity.
- See more at: http://www.babypost.com/parents/parenting/ten-fall-changes-every-stay-home-parent-appreciates#sthash.zh1FdOHu.dpuf
The weeks flew by! Now fall is well and truly upon us, and the seven-year-old is back to school… so what’s changed here?
My top ten list is below!
1. I’m not finding wet bathing suits and boys underwear left randomly throughout the backyard.
2. Footwear; the seven-year-old is complaining about having to wear socks and real shoes. Crocs and bare feet don’t cut it at school!
3. Ketchup consumption has dropped by about 80%, as the daily grilled cheese sandwiches for lunch with seven times more ketchup then he needs have been reduce to a more manageable twice a week.
4. I now only have to ask the magic question “Did you flush the toilet?” three times a day.
5. Bike rides are a lot quieter during the school year. Only my son can continue to ask questions non-stop while pedaling uphill at a 40 degree incline in 37C heat… expecting immediate answers!
6. The daily inquiry about whether we are driving or walking to school is back. The seven-year-old prefers to drive.
7. The dog is much more rested, not having to fight for space on the couch or play for hours on end in the back yard.
8. When I pick up the iPad, the battery still has a charge in it and the screen isn’t sticky to the touch from Dorito snacks.
9. It is possible to walk the length of the house barefoot without sustaining debilitating injuries from stepping on Legos that fell off my son’s latest creation.
10. I haven’t had to explain (for the 47th time) why he has to do school work when school’s out for the summer. Now that school’s back in session, school work is just a given!
In all seriousness, I’m sad summer vacation has come to a close; our days are getting shorter and the weather is definitely getting colder. I don’t know if my kids will remember summer 2015, but I certainly will!
The obsession with work and the need for two incomes for most of us to make ends meet is having an impact on Canadian families. I’m grateful that this year I was able to spend unrushed quality time with my family. We often go to great lengths and expense to give our kids presents, but in reality giving them our presence is the best gift of all.
I don’t remember much about the stuff I had as a kid, but I vividly remember the time I spent with my Dad. I was lucky enough that my Dad’s job enabled him to have me around a lot… and he was! This summer I was able to pay some of that quality time forward.
I am grateful for the opportunity.
- See more at: http://www.babypost.com/parents/parenting/ten-fall-changes-every-stay-home-parent-appreciates#sthash.zh1FdOHu.dpuf
By
all accounts it was an awesome summer for our family. It was the first
time I was home with a seven-year-old boy and an eighteen-month-old
toddler. I was a little apprehensive at first about whether I could keep
them both occupied while maintaining my sanity. However, our days were
incredibly busy as we jammed in as much activity we could. I’m thankful
we had mostly sunny days allowing for plenty of outdoor activity.
The weeks flew by! Now fall is well and truly upon us, and the seven-year-old is back to school… so what’s changed here?
My top ten list is below!
1. I’m not finding wet bathing suits and boys underwear left randomly throughout the backyard.
2. Footwear; the seven-year-old is complaining about having to wear socks and real shoes. Crocs and bare feet don’t cut it at school!
3. Ketchup consumption has dropped by about 80%, as the daily grilled cheese sandwiches for lunch with seven times more ketchup then he needs have been reduce to a more manageable twice a week.
4. I now only have to ask the magic question “Did you flush the toilet?” three times a day.
5. Bike rides are a lot quieter during the school year. Only my son can continue to ask questions non-stop while pedaling uphill at a 40 degree incline in 37C heat… expecting immediate answers!
6. The daily inquiry about whether we are driving or walking to school is back. The seven-year-old prefers to drive.
7. The dog is much more rested, not having to fight for space on the couch or play for hours on end in the back yard.
8. When I pick up the iPad, the battery still has a charge in it and the screen isn’t sticky to the touch from Dorito snacks.
9. It is possible to walk the length of the house barefoot without sustaining debilitating injuries from stepping on Legos that fell off my son’s latest creation.
10. I haven’t had to explain (for the 47th time) why he has to do school work when school’s out for the summer. Now that school’s back in session, school work is just a given!
In all seriousness, I’m sad summer vacation has come to a close; our days are getting shorter and the weather is definitely getting colder. I don’t know if my kids will remember summer 2015, but I certainly will!
The obsession with work and the need for two incomes for most of us to make ends meet is having an impact on Canadian families. I’m grateful that this year I was able to spend unrushed quality time with my family. We often go to great lengths and expense to give our kids presents, but in reality giving them our presence is the best gift of all.
I don’t remember much about the stuff I had as a kid, but I vividly remember the time I spent with my Dad. I was lucky enough that my Dad’s job enabled him to have me around a lot… and he was! This summer I was able to pay some of that quality time forward.
I am grateful for the opportunity.
- See more at: http://www.babypost.com/parents/parenting/ten-fall-changes-every-stay-home-parent-appreciates#sthash.zh1FdOHu.dpuf
The weeks flew by! Now fall is well and truly upon us, and the seven-year-old is back to school… so what’s changed here?
My top ten list is below!
1. I’m not finding wet bathing suits and boys underwear left randomly throughout the backyard.
2. Footwear; the seven-year-old is complaining about having to wear socks and real shoes. Crocs and bare feet don’t cut it at school!
3. Ketchup consumption has dropped by about 80%, as the daily grilled cheese sandwiches for lunch with seven times more ketchup then he needs have been reduce to a more manageable twice a week.
4. I now only have to ask the magic question “Did you flush the toilet?” three times a day.
5. Bike rides are a lot quieter during the school year. Only my son can continue to ask questions non-stop while pedaling uphill at a 40 degree incline in 37C heat… expecting immediate answers!
6. The daily inquiry about whether we are driving or walking to school is back. The seven-year-old prefers to drive.
7. The dog is much more rested, not having to fight for space on the couch or play for hours on end in the back yard.
8. When I pick up the iPad, the battery still has a charge in it and the screen isn’t sticky to the touch from Dorito snacks.
9. It is possible to walk the length of the house barefoot without sustaining debilitating injuries from stepping on Legos that fell off my son’s latest creation.
10. I haven’t had to explain (for the 47th time) why he has to do school work when school’s out for the summer. Now that school’s back in session, school work is just a given!
In all seriousness, I’m sad summer vacation has come to a close; our days are getting shorter and the weather is definitely getting colder. I don’t know if my kids will remember summer 2015, but I certainly will!
The obsession with work and the need for two incomes for most of us to make ends meet is having an impact on Canadian families. I’m grateful that this year I was able to spend unrushed quality time with my family. We often go to great lengths and expense to give our kids presents, but in reality giving them our presence is the best gift of all.
I don’t remember much about the stuff I had as a kid, but I vividly remember the time I spent with my Dad. I was lucky enough that my Dad’s job enabled him to have me around a lot… and he was! This summer I was able to pay some of that quality time forward.
I am grateful for the opportunity.
- See more at: http://www.babypost.com/parents/parenting/ten-fall-changes-every-stay-home-parent-appreciates#sthash.zh1FdOHu.dpuf
By
all accounts it was an awesome summer for our family. It was the first
time I was home with a seven-year-old boy and an eighteen-month-old
toddler. I was a little apprehensive at first about whether I could keep
them both occupied while maintaining my sanity. However, our days were
incredibly busy as we jammed in as much activity we could. I’m thankful
we had mostly sunny days allowing for plenty of outdoor activity.
The weeks flew by! Now fall is well and truly upon us, and the seven-year-old is back to school… so what’s changed here?
My top ten list is below!
1. I’m not finding wet bathing suits and boys underwear left randomly throughout the backyard.
2. Footwear; the seven-year-old is complaining about having to wear socks and real shoes. Crocs and bare feet don’t cut it at school!
3. Ketchup consumption has dropped by about 80%, as the daily grilled cheese sandwiches for lunch with seven times more ketchup then he needs have been reduce to a more manageable twice a week.
4. I now only have to ask the magic question “Did you flush the toilet?” three times a day.
5. Bike rides are a lot quieter during the school year. Only my son can continue to ask questions non-stop while pedaling uphill at a 40 degree incline in 37C heat… expecting immediate answers!
6. The daily inquiry about whether we are driving or walking to school is back. The seven-year-old prefers to drive.
7. The dog is much more rested, not having to fight for space on the couch or play for hours on end in the back yard.
8. When I pick up the iPad, the battery still has a charge in it and the screen isn’t sticky to the touch from Dorito snacks.
9. It is possible to walk the length of the house barefoot without sustaining debilitating injuries from stepping on Legos that fell off my son’s latest creation.
10. I haven’t had to explain (for the 47th time) why he has to do school work when school’s out for the summer. Now that school’s back in session, school work is just a given!
In all seriousness, I’m sad summer vacation has come to a close; our days are getting shorter and the weather is definitely getting colder. I don’t know if my kids will remember summer 2015, but I certainly will!
The obsession with work and the need for two incomes for most of us to make ends meet is having an impact on Canadian families. I’m grateful that this year I was able to spend unrushed quality time with my family. We often go to great lengths and expense to give our kids presents, but in reality giving them our presence is the best gift of all.
I don’t remember much about the stuff I had as a kid, but I vividly remember the time I spent with my Dad. I was lucky enough that my Dad’s job enabled him to have me around a lot… and he was! This summer I was able to pay some of that quality time forward.
I am grateful for the opportunity.
- See more at: http://www.babypost.com/parents/parenting/ten-fall-changes-every-stay-home-parent-appreciates#sthash.zh1FdOHu.dpuf
The weeks flew by! Now fall is well and truly upon us, and the seven-year-old is back to school… so what’s changed here?
My top ten list is below!
1. I’m not finding wet bathing suits and boys underwear left randomly throughout the backyard.
2. Footwear; the seven-year-old is complaining about having to wear socks and real shoes. Crocs and bare feet don’t cut it at school!
3. Ketchup consumption has dropped by about 80%, as the daily grilled cheese sandwiches for lunch with seven times more ketchup then he needs have been reduce to a more manageable twice a week.
4. I now only have to ask the magic question “Did you flush the toilet?” three times a day.
5. Bike rides are a lot quieter during the school year. Only my son can continue to ask questions non-stop while pedaling uphill at a 40 degree incline in 37C heat… expecting immediate answers!
6. The daily inquiry about whether we are driving or walking to school is back. The seven-year-old prefers to drive.
7. The dog is much more rested, not having to fight for space on the couch or play for hours on end in the back yard.
8. When I pick up the iPad, the battery still has a charge in it and the screen isn’t sticky to the touch from Dorito snacks.
9. It is possible to walk the length of the house barefoot without sustaining debilitating injuries from stepping on Legos that fell off my son’s latest creation.
10. I haven’t had to explain (for the 47th time) why he has to do school work when school’s out for the summer. Now that school’s back in session, school work is just a given!
In all seriousness, I’m sad summer vacation has come to a close; our days are getting shorter and the weather is definitely getting colder. I don’t know if my kids will remember summer 2015, but I certainly will!
The obsession with work and the need for two incomes for most of us to make ends meet is having an impact on Canadian families. I’m grateful that this year I was able to spend unrushed quality time with my family. We often go to great lengths and expense to give our kids presents, but in reality giving them our presence is the best gift of all.
I don’t remember much about the stuff I had as a kid, but I vividly remember the time I spent with my Dad. I was lucky enough that my Dad’s job enabled him to have me around a lot… and he was! This summer I was able to pay some of that quality time forward.
I am grateful for the opportunity.
- See more at: http://www.babypost.com/parents/parenting/ten-fall-changes-every-stay-home-parent-appreciates#sthash.zh1FdOHu.dpuf
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